We used to watch CNN in the morning, judging those makeover- and recipe-laden network shows to be insufficently rigorous. Then things got a little too rigor mortis for the AM, so we went scurrying back to the Today Show. And who was waiting there for us? Alexis Glick, the entrancing cohost of the nine o'clock hour. She's working this compassionate-nurse-hot-soccer-mom-beatific-newslady hybrid that manages both to get us out of bed and make us late for work on a regular basis.
    Fascinating facts: Two years ago, she was managing 200 traders on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange. Then she decided to do television. Just like that. She has two kids. She's thirty-two.
   With the rumors that she's a Couric-in-waiting have come brickbats; Glick's detractors compare her on-camera chops unfavorably to those of j-school grad and future COTY Natalie Morales. To that we say, yes, Ms. Glick could probably stand to lower her voice a bit and work on the clothes, but we too have tried to a) totally change careers; b) talk engagedly about things like "ubersexuality" and frozen-food diets; c) appear to like Katie Couric and d) do television. It is all EXCEEDINGLY DIFFICULT. Oh, yeah, and she's not Ann Curry. And for that, she is our crush of the week. — Michael Martin

"Beauties in Heels and the Men Who Love Them." — The Times wins this week for most-like-a-soft-porn-title headline.

A Google search for Kees Moeliker turns up these images, both of which are really disturbing when viewed with the phrase "homosexual duck necrophilia" in mind. Gwynne, our office manager, would like you all to know she's starting a band so she can name it Kees Moeliker.

"Writers' Call for Submission: Sleeping With the Gods: An Erotic Odyssey — an anthology inspired by classical mythology edited by Mitzi Szereto (to be published by Thunder's Mouth Press/Avalon Publishing Group, NY). Classical mythology has always contained a strong undercurrent of the erotic. It is my goal as editor to take this to a further erotic realm, fostering the creation of a new myth based on the classical. Although the main focus will be on the Greco-Roman tradition, I will consider material outside of this area. Select your favourite myth and go where your imagination takes you! Contemporary themes preferred. (**NOTE: some myths have already been taken.)"

Last week, we hit the celebrity trifecta: breakup (Nick and Jessica), car crash (Lindsay) and baby (Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes). And amid the Nerve office's four-way IM delirium, Michael pointed out that some celebrity news stories are just a long version of that "in bed" game kids used to play with fortune cookies. Case in point, from People:

Calling Paris Hilton "the most incredible woman I have ever met [IN BED]," Paris Latsis said on Monday that he respects the heiress's decision Friday to break off their engagement.

"I love Paris very much [IN BED]," Latsis said in a statement made through a rep for Hilton. "This was the best experience of my life [IN BED]. And I will always be grateful for it."

Hilton, not wanting to make a "mistake [IN BED]," called off her wedding to her Greek shipping heir boyfriend just four months after he had popped the question. [IN BED]

"She feels that she's young and she wants to make sure it's right [IN BED]," actress Kyle Richards, Hilton's aunt, tells PEOPLE. "She didn't want to make a mistake [IN BED] with the whole world watching."

A Danish man with cerebral palsy would like the state to pay for his prostitutes.

People
Love or Hate?: Love! Prince William's girlfriend is, according to the magazine's cover, "scandal-free." Call the preacher!