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In Space, No One Can Hear You Scream

A selection of “sexy lines from the Star Wars trilogy.” From http://members.aol.com/normlim/starwars.html.

Star Wars
“You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.” (Princess Leia)
“Curse my metal body, I wasn’t fast enough!” (C3PO)
“Luke, at that speed do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time?” (Biggs)

The Empire Strikes Back
“Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?” (Yoda)
“There’s an awful lot of moisture in here.” (Han Solo)
“Control, control! You must learn control!” (Yoda)

Return of the Jedi:
“There is good in him, I’ve felt it.” (Luke)
"I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can." (Jerjerrod) with reply "Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them." (Darth)
"Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me — now I owe you one." (Han)
“Back door, huh? Good idea!” (Han)

 
 
Hooked on a Feeling
Quotations from serial gropers, taken from the Japanese newspaper article “Beware: Gross Gropers Warming Up for Winter Feel."

“The fundamental factor for a groper is how softly they can touch. If you suddenly went up behind somebody and groped her roughly with cold hands, she’s bound to get mad. A true professional would warm their hands before the grope.”

“Because winter air is dry, you’ve got to watch out for static electricity. Pantyhose give off a load of static electricity so, as a matter of self-defense, it’s probably best to douse your hands with an anti-static electricity spray first.”

“With the throng behind you, it’s easy enough to thrust your pelvis up against her butt and tell the woman you were pushed. That’s believable."

“You’ve also got to drink enough beforehand to make your face turn red. That way, even if you’re caught, you can just slur out an apology.”

 
Class Action

Courses offered by the Erotic University in Los Angeles.

Whips Ahoy!: Whips, Floggers, Spanking, Canes, Paddles, and More
Mind Erotics for Couples
Exotic Pole Dancing Level I
Exotic Pole Dancing Level II
What Really Happened in the Garden of Eden
Introduction to Multiple Orgasms Seminar
Lap Dancing for Couples
Everything I Know About Sex, I Learned from Porn Films
Fairy Tales Can Come True: Fantasy and Role Playing in BDSM
O Brave New World, That Has Such Creatures in It: Additional Practices in SM Play
Adult Webmastering Master Class
Swinging 101
Pilates for Sexual Stamina

 
Share Tactics
Suggested guidelines for interacting with "unmarrieds," couples who are partnered but not legally wed. From the etiquette page of the Alternatives to Marriage website.

There’s an unmarried couple in your midst and you don’t know what’s polite any more? Here are some rules of thumb:

Don’t ask, “When are you going to get married?” This assumes marriage is the only option — and it isn’t.

Don’t be afraid to discuss the subject of marriage. You might try, “What are your thoughts about marriage?” But open-ended questions require you to keep an open mind about the answer.

Do ascertain (through respectful, interested conversation) the relationship’s importance and act accordingly. After ten years of seeing him at family gatherings, is it time to include your granddaughter’s boyfriend in the annual family photo?

Do find out how a couple wishes to be introduced! (Hint: “Partner” or “significant other” are generally safe guesses. Many unmarried people get awfully tired of hearing, “This is John and his, uh, er, ummm, friend”).

Don’t make casual remarks about the breakup of the relationship. That means you shouldn’t tell an unmarried friend, “Your girlfriend is really cute! Let me know if you break up so I can ask her out.”

 
The Pillow Books
Strange but purportedly true American sex laws. From http://www.dribbleglass.com/subpages/laws.htm.

It is illegal for any member of the Nevada legislature to conduct official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in session.

A law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can’t dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she’s wearing at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

Women aren’t allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio. (The logic: a man might see the reflection of something he shouldn’t.)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines except “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.”

In Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place in a car must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.

In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.

In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store’s walk-in meat freezer.

In Connorsville, Wisconsin, it’s illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.

 
— Compiled by Sarah Harrison and Gwynne Watkins

© 2003 Nerve.com, Inc.



 


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