|Rise of the Wes|
Comments on the sex appeal of presidential candidate Wesley Clark, from the “Women For Clark” weblog.
Comments by Deb4Dean in Idaho
Comments by Jenny
Comments by Charlotte
Comments by Susan from Canada
Comments by Sylvia
|Gratuitous Remix Award|
|The opening lines of "Baby Got Back," by Sir Mix-a-Lot, translated into Latin by livejournal user Quislibet.|
Rebecca, ecce! tantae clunes isti sunt!
(Rebecca, behold! Such large buttocks she has!)
amica esse videtur istorum hominum rhythmicorum.
(She appears to be a girlfriend of one of those rhythmic-oration people.)
sed, ut scis,
(But, as you know)
quis homines huiusmodi intellegere potest?
(Who can understand persons of this sort?)
colloquuntur equidem cum ista eo tantum, quod scortum perfectum esse videtur.
(Verily, they converse with her for this reason only, namely, that she appears to be a complete whore.)
clunes, aio, maiores esse!
(Her buttocks, I say, are rather large!)
nec possum credere quam rotondae sint.
(Nor am I able to believe how round they are.)
|Love at First Bite|
Sexual intercourse is slightly more complicated for vampires, given their undead nature. There are three basic problems:
1. Cold Flesh: Being no longer among the living, vampires bodies tend to equalize at room temperature, which most mortals would find repellant, unless their minds are somehow clouded.
2. Lack of Proper Blood Circulation: This is a bigger problem for males rather than females, for obvious reasons.
3. Frenzy During Sexual Intercourse: If you are seducing a mortal to feed, this is not a real problem. However, if you are interested in a long-term relationship with the mortal or are sleeping with another Kindred, suddenly biting their neck and sucking them dry can be a problem. Unfortunately, many sexual positions have the unfortunate effect of placing the other person’s neck in a readily accessible position, and the build-up to sexual climax has its parallels to the build-up to a vampiric feeding frenzy. As one such vampire once said, rather crudely: “Mortals are for sucking, not for fucking.” In more polite company, the phrase “Mortals are for chewing, not for screwing,” is often substituted.
|Love at First Bite, Part II|
Sections from the marriage contract on Marryyourpet.com.
If you wish to marry your pet, you must read these rules and comply with them at all times:
1. This is a contract between you, your pet, and MarryYourPet. It is not recognised by a court of law.
2. This union is a marriage of minds and companionship. You have no conjugal rights.You are not allowed to have sex with your pet.
2.1 If you want to consummate the marriage, we suggest you both share some cake. If your pet has a food allergy then a pat on the head will suffice.
4. Marriage is for life* or until your contract expires.
*You are not allowed to take the life of your pet.
6. It is the norm for your pet to assume your surname after marriage.
| Compiled by Sarah Harrison and Gwynne Watkins
© 2003 Nerve.com, Inc.
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