61 Frames Per Second by John Constantine Today in Nerve's videogame blog: Street Fighter. The movie. A new one. With that chick from that Superman show. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!
The Remote Island by Bryan Christian Mad Men's January Jones struts her stuff in Vanity Fair. Plus: Damages returns, the latest Gossip Girl guest star and Donna Martin capitulates.
Congratulations on wrapping up The Surreal
Life.
Yeah, I thought it was a pretty good thing for me. It
came at a good time in my life. I think I learned a lot.
You went directly to the show from rehab, right?
Yup.
The questions I'm asking you are about dating, relationships and sex.
[Silence]
promotion
Are you multi-tasking right now?
I'm sorry. I'm trying to do three things at once, but I'm going to start doing
just this now.
What were you doing before?
I was trying to get a little fellatio in during the interview, but I figured
that's not a good idea.
What's the best song to have sex to?
Maybe my girlfriend [Playboy model Shannon Malone] can help me with
this question. [He repeats the question to her]. She says "Voodoo" by
Godsmack. I never even heard that song. "Your Love is King" is very special
to me. It's difficult to rip your clothes
off to — it's more erotic, for making love. To hear my girlfriend's choice
of songs, she's in the gutter. She's talking about "I want to fuck you like an
animal" and [changes his voice to a high-pitch tone], "I
like Sade!" The dynamic of this relationship. She's got me in a fucking rubber
dress as we speak. It's black latex rubber.
How does one get backstage and bag a rock star?
Next question. I am so busy trying to change my life.
You can be objective. "Twenty years ago, the best way to approach us
was this way."
I think money always works. If someone is throwing money at me, they're going
to get my attention. If someone is like, "Listen, I want to whisk you away to
Switzerland for the weekend," I might consider talking to them. That's male or
female. If a male offered me $20,000 to take me to Switzerland, I'm in. That's
not a sexual connotation. Obviously, someone who cares about the art I've been
producing for years.
So twenty years ago, the best way a fan could approach you backstage
was if they had cash.
Cash or something that's worth a lot. If she had one of Hendrix's Strats [Stratocasters]
and said, "Listen I'd like you to see this Strat. Will you come talk to me?" I'll
talk to you and see the Strat.
I'm thinking about dating a rock star. What advice would you give me?
My advice would be the same as for dating anyone: Make sure that you're dating
the person and not the image of what you think that person is. What we portray
is not necessarily what we really are. Make sure you know the actual person you're
dating before you wake up one day and say, "Wait a minute, he reminds me more
of the milkman than the rock star I used to see." Because the truth is that what
we do is a job. In videos, we spent a lot of money and time looking the way we
look. You don't see the character flaws because it's a video. In real life, things
are more complex. I'm sure Angelina Jolie has a bad day. In the end, we all put
on our pants one leg at a time. Unless you're Paris Hilton.
I'm thinking about asking my boyfriend if we can have an open relationship.
Is this advisable?
One shouldn't go into a relationship unless they plan on it meaning something.
An open relationship is not a relationship. That's just a fuck buddy. That's
the ultimate little kid. "Waaa! I want to be able to fuck you but . . . " Don't
bother. If you want a shortcut in life, you're going to get a shortcut. Ask the
people in the trendy open relationships how happy they are. Searching for fulfillment
or happiness down that road is absolutely ridiculous. You're better off not treating
yourself like a whore. I'll admit, I was an asshole like that. It only got me
further into the depths of depression, drug addiction, all kinds of things that
you hear about in True Hollywood Story. It's pathetic and stupid.
Speaking of ridiculous, what's the most ridiculous thing a groupie ever
did in front of you?
I have no idea. I thought this was a guitar-hero story. I'm so broken-hearted
that this doesn't have anything to do with guitars.
Okay, who were your three main musical influences?
Jimmy Page, Eddie Van Halen, Michael Shanker and Randy Rhodes. I'll give you
four.
Which is better, making love or fucking?
For me, making love is better. I get more out of it. Something could be said
for just plain fucking the person you love. Sometimes if I'm in a lovely-dovey
mood, before you know it my girlfriend is putting my face in the toilet and saying, "Get
out of the freaking mood, man! I want to fuck like a pig now! Put on your rubber
dress again!" "Yes, mom." If you're with the person you love, it's all good.
I'm hot for this girl, but we don't have much of a rapport. Can we have
a serious relationship based purely on sex?
If you're going to base a relationship on sex, there's no substance there. The
thing is, I'm learning too, so I don't want you to think that I'm coming from
this grand wisdom. These are just things that I'm actually thinking about because
I'm sober. As opposed to, "Oh no, I stink 'cause I'm fucking high and it didn't
occur to me to shower, but it's okay because Jim Morrison stunk. Now suck my
dick." That's kind of gross. A lot of this rock star shit is just an excuse to
be a pig. The
only reason I know that is because I did it. How are you going to have someone
respect you if you don't respect yourself?
What's an automatic dating deal-breaker I should watch out for?
In a relationship, only one person is allowed to have bad breath.
Why do people lower their standards when it comes to sex, and how can
this be avoided?
I guess if there are things involved like a really devastating heartbreak. Sometimes
you're so devastated that you feel worthless. Screwing someone else is not going
to make you feel better, but in that frame of mind, you're very vulnerable. Who
knows the dymanics in relationships? I go to therapy and I'm constantly amazed
at how much help I can get.
Good fingers: more important on stage or in bed?
I think you need more than good fingers in bed. Can you imagine me if I come
up to you with good fingers and I got a fucking dick made out of silly putty?
But if I have a dick made of silly putty and I go onstage and my fingers are
great, who's going to know?
Herman Li, 27, guitarist for Dragonforce
How
can I get backstage and bag a rock star?
A lot of the girls just stand there. They don't say or do anything. Then a day
later, they say they wish they'd slept with a band member. Be straight. If [the
girl] says, "Look, I want to have sex," in Dragonforce we would say, "Okay," and
just do it. We don't want to go "How you doing? Blah blah blah . . . " for one
hour.
What advice would you give someone who's going to start dating a rock
musician?
Don't get pissed off if they don't call you every day of every week. It's a hassle,
calling people on tour. Your questions are all about sex and sex and sex.
The column is "Sex Advice from Guitar Gods."
Yeah, that's true. They wouldn't ask drummers these questions.
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and I'm starting
to get bored. Is a monogamous relationship realistic these days?
It depends what age you're at. Most people starting off in a band, they want
to see action on the road. They don't want to go on tour having a girlfriend
because it would just be boring. You'll just sit in a bus and be miserable the
whole time. I mean, we don't do it, but we see other bands do it.
What's one automatic dating deal-breaker?
The girls that show interest, then don't
put out.
What's better: making love or fucking?
The first one.
Making love? Why?
It just is. It's better. I'd rather do that than whack myself off. If I explain
this in front of people here they're going to rip the living piss out of me.
The record label is here. I got band members here. If I tell any details I'm
not going get any sleep tonight.
I want to get my boyfriend in the mood fast. What should I ply him with,
drugs or alcohol?
Booze.
What kind of booze?
To be honest, I don't really need it. I mean, some people need it because they're
going to come in two seconds. They need some booze to cool them down. I just
don't need any booze.
For someone who does, what would you recommend?
JB mixed up with vodka.
I've been dating my girlfriend for five years now. She's great, but lately
we've been getting into lots of arguments. Recently, I met an amazing girl at
a party. Do I stay with my girlfriend or take the leap?
Take the risk of course! If you're having arguments already how do you know you're
not going to get into more? It's a confidence thing. I think you should always
take the risk.
Nick Wheeler, 24, guitarist for
The All-American Rejects
What's the ultimate make-out song?
Depends on what kind of making out. I would go for the monster power ballad. "Endless
Love." I would say "Don't Stop Believing" [by Journey], but
due to its current rise in popularity on the karaoke circuit it might be a little
played out.
How does one get backstage and approach a rock star?
Well, you can't act like a fan. And you must be of age. Otherwise our tour manager
won't let you backstage.
You have to be eighteen or older to get backstage?
That's probably safest. I actually have a girlfriend. But speaking on behalf
of everybody on the road, we are very impatient people and value our time when
not on stage, particularly after a show, simply because most of the day we're
doing press and other stuff. So just cut to the chase. Be flat out and say, "Hey,
take me backstage and I'll do this. Here's my I.D. Let me backstage and we'll
knock uglies or whatever."
What's the weirdest groupie experience you've ever had?
This mom and daughter. The girl was underage for sure, maybe a teenager. They
come backstage because her daughter has this heart condition and wants to meet
the band and get an autograph. Her mom starts crying, "This is so awesome! You
guys are so great! She's going to have heart surgery." Later on, she says the
same thing and she's really milking it now. She's really crying, "Oh, thank you!
My daughter, she just had heart surgery." Wait a second. I thought you said she
was awaiting heart surgery. You know how girls dress these days. They're
twelve and they have the biggest boobs I've ever seen. Watch the cleavage! If
she just had heart surgery, she wouldn't be wearing that low-cut shirt. Eventually,
the girl goes, "Alright mom, cut it out."
What's an automatic dating deal-breaker I should look out for?
Someone who's part of a scene and just has to go out. If it's Friday
night and they're like, "Oh my God. I can't stand it. I'm sitting at home. It's
the weekend. I gotta go do something." I can't hang with that.
My boyfriend and I are thinking about having an open relationship. Bad
idea?
That's just trendy. "Let's go to a party and throw our keys in a basket at the
door." Whatever. That's dumb. I think [monogamy is] possible. That's what humans
do. That's what penguins do. I hear penguins are monogamous mammals.
So what's the key to staying monogamous?
You've just got to be trusting. The last thing you want is a girlfriend who says, "How
many girls did you flirt with today?" I have friends or guys in our group or
other bands who have been in situations like that.
Jerry Only, 47, bassist for The
Misfits
You guys started The Misfits when you were young.
I was seventeen. [The Misfits] are going on thirty years next April.
Did a groupie ever do anything crazy to go home with you or [former Misfits lead singer] Glenn Danzig?
It's funny, girls never came to our shows. People don't realize that. When we
first started playing punk music, it was more of a boy scene. In the big cities,
you had some girls, but they were usually combat-ready. They had Mohawks,
tattoos and big boots on.
Any girls show up backstage with Misfits tattoos all over their bodies?
We get that all the time. We wanted to do a book of Misfits tattoos because there
are just so many of them out there.
I've been dating my girlfriend for three years. She's great, but lately
we've been getting into a lot of arguments. Recently, I met an amazing girl at
a party. Do I stay with my girlfriend or take the leap?
As you get older, you realize that relationships are always push-and-shove. Really,
that's what keeps a relationship going — the ability to withstand the tension.
As far as the new girl goes, if the kid is young and he's been with somebody
for three years and he feels that his interest is in something else that's better
for him, then I can understand it. With somebody's who's a little older, who's
been with someone for that amount of time and feels serious, they should try
to talk it out. You can always go forward but you can't go back.
Is a monogamous relationship realistic these days?
Well, I was married for twenty years and it really wasn't working.
So your current wife is your second marriage?
Yes.
Is she younger than you?
Yes, she is.
By how many years?
Nineteen years.
Okay, back to monogamy.
I think that it's the basis of society. It's good to have one person that's there
for you. If you two want to experiment with other things after that, that's fine
and between the two of you. But I think without the one solid thing, you're kind
of missing the point. That's where I'm at right now. I have one person I care
about who cares about me. That what keeps you tied down from doing stupid things
and neglecting yourself.
I'm thinking about asking my boyfriend for an open relationship. Are
open relationships sustainable?
To be honest with you, everytime I see it go more than one person, it seems to
me that relationship is more of a presentation than it is a necessity. In other
words, it's somebody who wants to say, "I got five or six wives." One person
is really the way to go.
I'm considering dating a rocker. What advice would you give
me?
To find somebody who's happy with who they are so they don't take it out on you.
There's a lot of pressure in the business. There's a lot more tension on the
road. So one, that the person is not so full of themselves that they wouldn't
care about you, and second, that they've got their stuff together so you don't
have to deal with their shortcomings. Their problems aren't necessarily your
problems and they should realize that.
What's an automatic dating deal-breaker one should watch out for?
A girl more concerned with her vanity than having an interesting
conversation. It's time for sexiness in women to be a mental state more than
physical appearance. You'll see really good looking girls at shows but when you
talk to them you're like, "Wow, nobody home upstairs."
Why do people lower their standards when it comes to sex?
I think it's the rush. The adrenaline flow that's created from doing a show.
It gives you a sense of euphoria. I can't sleep after a show. I'll be up until
three or four in the morning just because we're all fired up. You get this sense
of immortality. For that moment in life, you're totally alive, and when you come
off stage it lends itself to indulging in the spoils of the conquest.
What is the ultimate sex song?
[To his wife] What do you think the sexiest song is? What is that song
we were listening to the other day? "You're sooo hot . . . "
Is that a rap song you're singing?
No, it's The Rolling Stones. [He starts singing again] "You're sooo
hot and I'm sooo cold." [Ed. — "She's So Cold" by The Rolling Stones]
What's on your iPod?
I don't have an iPod. I use a cassette in my car.
What's the sexiest song you have on a cassette?
I like Lou Reed. "Walk on the Wild Side."
What is the best sex-enhancing drug? Viagra?
Church! Tell them to go to church. Appreciate your life just the way it is.
Good fingers: more important on stage or in bed?
Honestly? On stage.
Why?
Because that's your expression, that's your art.
How
can I get backstage and bag a rock star?
