February 28, 2008
Colleen, 27
Is a night of bowling a good first date?
For most people I think it would be. I, on the other hand, am way too competitive and would have to beat my date.
My boyfriend is friends with all his ex-girlfriends, and most of his platonic friends are female as well. Am I justified in being bothered by this?
Yes. And the reason is "because."
I went on a date with this guy who's on the verge of breaking up with his girlfriend — I know for a fact that their relationship is coming apart. Is it okay for me to sleep with him if he's not quite single, but almost?
These types of situations, put the shoe on the other foot. If you were that girl and found out your "almost" ex-boyfriend slept with someone else, would you be happy?
I dated a guy for three months. It wasn't a great romance, but he broke up with me by just not calling anymore, and I'm depressed about that. How can I get closure?
On this one, you have to realize you won't get full closure. Voodoo dolls and magic spells won't help ease your feelings of confusion. The good part is, you can go on knowing that you're the bigger person. He did you a favor. You didn't want to go out with someone that immature.
What grand romantic gesture would sweep you off your feet?
If he let me beat him at bowling.
Colin, 25
I went on a date with this guy who's on the verge of breaking up with his girlfriend. Is it okay for me to sleep with him if he's not quite single, but almost?
No. I've seen relationships that were "on the verge of breaking up," and two weeks later they seemed like they were about to get engaged.
Is it okay to skip an event my significant other wants me to go to if I have bowling league that night?
It depends on the importance of the event. A funeral for an immediate family member, you go. A funeral for her friend's third cousin, you bowl.
A good friend professed his love for me. Is it possible to preserve the friendship once such feelings are out in the open?
I've known my girlfriend for over eleven years, and we were always really close. We've been together as a couple now for six years. Before that, I did have a good friend tell me that she was attracted to me. I told her I was flattered, but not interested at the time. She seemed fine with it. So yeah, it worked for us.
What grand romantic gesture would sweep you off your feet?
This is hard. I don't like people showing me "gestures." I like doing the gesturing. A song dedication is nice. Maybe an "I love you, Baby" on the big screen at Yankee Stadium. And you can never go wrong with a "just because" romantic night.
Is a night of bowling a good first date?
A night of open bowling, sure. Don't take her to watch you at league night, though. She'll be really bored, unless you suck, in which case she'll laugh at you.
Jen, 23
Conventional wisdom says it's a bad idea to date someone you work with. Is dating someone on your bowling team also verboten?
The problem with doing this is, it adds pressure. If you're in a fight with your significant other and then have to bowl with them, it can directly affect your game. And then you have to deal with their criticism for that.
My boyfriend is friends with all his ex-girlfriends, and most of his platonic friends are female as well. Am I justified in being bothered by this?
There is nothing wrong with it bothering you, but think about the friends you have that are men. You wouldn't want it to bother their girlfriends. If you trust him, there's nothing to worry about.
I went on a date with this guy who's on the verge of breaking up with his girlfriend. Is it okay for me to sleep with him if he's not quite officially single, but almost?
If he is not fully broken up, he's still taken. There's no slipping through the cracks with that one, you would still be the other woman.
I'm looking for a serious relationship. Is it possible to find true love in the bar scene?
I don't see why not. People are finding each other online and living happily ever after. I usually go to bars when I'm on the hunt — it may work, it may not, but it never hurts to try.
I dated a guy for three months. It wasn't a great romance, but still, he broke up with me by just not calling anymore and I'm depressed about that. How can I get closure?
Call him and be straightforward: "Hey, what's the deal? You stopped calling and it would be fantastic if you would share why." If he doesn't give you the courtesy of that, he was never worth it. Go to the bar and have fun.
Jackie, 29
Would it place too much pressure on a relationship to be on the same bowling team?
My boyfriend and I came from two different schools. We bowled on our school bowling leagues, so we were rivals. From that experience, I can tell you it's better to be on the same team.
A good friend professed his love for me, but I want keep things platonic. Is it possible to preserve the friendship once such feelings are out in the open?
I think it is possible to maintain a friendship. If you try to beat around the bush and lay out all these excuses, that will make it difficult.
My boyfriend is friends with all his ex-girlfriends, and most of his platonic friends are female as well. Am I justified in being bothered by this?
No. My boyfriend is friends with all girls. You need to make it your business to become friends with them. If he makes the effort to get all of you guys together, you'll feel better because he's making it known that you're his girl.
I dated this guy for three months. It wasn't a great romance, but still, he broke up with me by just not calling anymore and I'm depressed about that. How can I get closure?
Look at it from the point of view that he lost you, and that that's a consequence of his actions — you might not need any more closure than that. I don't think closure is the kind of thing anyone can do for you. I think you need to find it in yourself to realize you're better than that.
What grand romantic gesture would sweep you off your feet?
I don't like the clichˇ stuff. If a guy is really into you, he should find something personal that not many people know about you and use that. I've had arthritis since I was a baby, and the guy I'm with now filled my new bookshelf with books about arthritis, and wrote notes in all the margins. He's been to every doctor's appointment, keeps track of all my meds. If you find somebody that can pull something important from your life and make it part of their life, that shows you really care. n°
Melissa, 32
www.veiledremarks.com
I want to hook up at my cousin's upcoming wedding. What's the best way to make that known without seeming desperate?
Arriving single at a wedding is like rubbing your body with a slab of raw
meat and going for a jog through Cat Country at the zoo. I don't think you
need to worry too much about this one.
I had sex with a guy on the first date. Now that he's called again, I'd like to take it slow. How do I bring us back to first base?
Tell him you won't be a born-again virgin for just anybody, and in fact, only three other guys have been worth it.
I've never really wanted to get married, but my boyfriend always drops hints about a huge ceremony. What should I do?
Start introducing yourself as the Future Mrs. So and So. Sign up for registries when you hit Macy's and Crate & Barrel. If he doesn't freak and is actually into it, think of the mountains of free shit you'll get after the huge ceremony.
My girlfriend keeps reading self-help books that tell her our relationship is all wrong. How do I get her to stop believing everything she reads and just accept us the way we are?
Bring home a stack of your own self-help books with titles like Hot Celibacy, and I Wouldn't Leave Her If Not For This One Thing. Leave them discreetly, artfully fanned on her pillow.
The girl I've been dating just told me she loves me. I'm not ready to say that yet, but I don't want to lose her. What should I say?
In your lifetime, you've already exaggerated the length of your
penis, your love of opera and your desire to see a female in the White House. Why stop now?
Gwyndolyn, 27
I've been hanging out with a guy for the past month, but we've never had the exclusivity talk. Now he's calling me his girlfriend, even though we never agreed to it. Advice?
Casually ask him if he's seeing other people, wait for his response and tell him honestly that you are, or want to. Don't lie — that'll give you the kind of karma that will render you a perpetual bridesmaid.
I had sex with a guy on the first date. Now I'd like to take it slow with him. How do I move us back to first base?
Go on a date where it's not convenient to scamper straight back to one of your places.
I just went on a first date, and from the conversation it's clear she Googled me extensively. Should I pretend I didn't notice, or should I say something?
If it's super-specific or personal information I'd make a joke to make myself feel a little more in control. If she rolls with it, she's probably cool.
I've been living with my girlfriend for three years. Now she says she wants to move out so we each have more space, but she wants to continue the relationship. What does this mean?
It means she's trying to break up with you in stages as opposed to the rip-the-Band-Aid-off approach. Help her throw her stuff to the curb.
My girlfriend has long conversations with my mom on the phone, sometimes even closing the door or going outside so I can't hear. What does this mean?
She's planning an elaborate surprise birthday party for you, and you'll be that jerk from the '80s sitcom who ruins the whole thing because you're so self-obsessed and insecure. Let it go.
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