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Ann, 25
How does being a nudist affect your sex life?
I've had better sex since I've been a nudist, because I'm so much more comfortable with how I feel about myself physically. So I can be with someone and say to myself, "I love my body so much, and if you don't that's your problem." There is no room to be self-conscious.
Are you more self-aware?
Sexually, yes. You have a better sense of your body and what makes it happy. So you can pleasure yourself and have others pleasure you more easily and better. But being a nudist doesn't make you a nympho, it just changes your perception of yourself. You need to be happy with yourself in order to be sexually fulfilled. People who are worried about the fat on their thighs and ass might not want to do it doggystyle. Once you're comfortable with your body, you can do it anyway you'd like.
I love having guys go down on me, but I get insecure when they're up close and personal. How can I get more comfortable with it?
When you're completely alone, be naked. When you're not with your boyfriend, or friends, or at a dinner party, be naked. Once you're comfortable by yourself, then it'll work better in front of others.
Well, I'm comfortable naked, but isn't there a difference between being naked and super up close, like having your ass in someone's face?
Yes, well sure. But when you're naked, you're constantly exploring your body. You know like what little kids do when they're naked and playing with themselves. Like the other day I was sitting on my sofa totally naked, looking at my boobs and I thought oh, that's how that goes and I was touching myself, discovering myself. It's so much easier to do that when you're already naked rather than having to pull your pants down. I really feel like if you look at yourself that closely and even use a mirror, then you will be so much more comfortable with someone else there. So to answer your question, play with yourself naked.
How can I make my partner more comfortable without gratuitous compliments?
I'm a big fan of constant touching because I feel like if you have your hands on something it makes it okay. Like, I've had partners who were maybe uncomfortable with their enormous amounts of chest hair, but once your run your hands on something and make it tactile it helps to diffuse the self-consciousness.
Do you think that getting dressed can be sexier than getting undressed?
Absolutely. There was this time I was in Maine with four other girls, all beautiful girls in their twenties who were obviously confident and happy about their bodies. We were in a cabin and there were men there too. We'd been there for four hours and they hadn't looked at us sexually. When we were about to leave and I was pulling on my little thong underwear, one of these guys was like, "I'm sorry this is a totally asexual environment and I totally don't want to offend you by saying this, but that's the sexiest thing I've seen all night." That's the sexy part — taking off or putting on your clothes, taking off underwear or unfastening a bra, the act of exposing yourself. With my boyfriend now, we're a little nudist sometimes, actually a lot of times, and if we're starting to get sexy he'll be like, go put on your red underwear and we'll have sex with red underwear on instead of totally naked.
Have you ever made a sexual mistake that you would like to advise others against?
I once pulled the skin down too far on an uncircumcised penis. He did not like that.
What's a good sex toy for beginners? What about for those of us who are more experienced?
I would start with any sort of flavored lotion. Especially with guys who are hesitant in any way to go down on girls, get some strawberry flavored lotion down there and then he's good to go. It makes the job so much easier. Some would say move on to a strap on, but I might say a cock ring. Still, some guys are really nervous about having a tight ring around their penis. I mean, if it gets stuck, that's embarrassing. And there needs to be trust, like, if you have to go to the emergency room together.
Elvin and Eric, both 25
How can I get more comfortable with myself naked?
Elvin: I spend about an hour in the morning in front of the mirror naked doing aerobics and stretching. Once you see yourself in athletic poses you learn to see your body and all its potential.
What is the nudist substitute for a strip tease?
Eric: Body butter and an erection.
Do nudists dress up to role play?
Elvin: Maybe once or twice a year. Especially in the fall. My girlfriend likes it when I dress up as a teacher. A geeky teacher. It unleashes a new passion.
My guy is so sexy when he's girlish. I'd love for him to wear some
panties and a skirt and a bra. What's the best way to introduce this?
Elvin: Get him alone and watch some videos of girl on girl action. Tell him how cute you think he is when he flips his hair, tell him that's what you like about him and tell him that's what turns you on.
Eric: Then get him hot and bothered, take him by the balls and tell him you know what, "I'm never going to get you off ever again unless you get into these panties."
 I want to fuck my boyfriend with a strap-on. He's straight. How do you think I can get him to be open to that?
Eric: Lots of lube. And wait until some time when you guys are really open, loose and drunk and suggest that would make you real happy. And if he's drop dead opposed to it, then I think you're never going to get in that little cranny.
Do you think most guys would be open to that?
Elvin: I'd be willing to say, seventy-five percent.
What makes a great blowjob?
Elvin: I would say aggression and not feeling like you're receiving a gift, but that it's something that person wants to do for you.
What is the sexiest part of the body that gets ignored during sex?
Elvin: Testicles.
Eric: Or hands and feet. Anything in the shadows like behind the ears.
If you like to be naked in front of others, does that mean you also like to have sex in front of others?
Eric: [Immediately] Yes.
What's a sex mistake that you'd like to warn others against?
Elvin: Don't assume you know how to use a whip.
My husband is really turned on by group sex, but the thought of him with another woman drives me crazy, what should I do?
Elvin: Tell him you'll have group sex, but with like, four dudes.
Are there phrases or songs or sounds that you can't stand to hear during sex?
Eric: What about the opposite question, like there's something about having loud noise next to my ears, it's really arousing. Most noise is good noise.
Elvin: Once this girl I was with, her phone rang in the middle of sex and she picked it up and said, "Yo, I got to call you back, I'm fucking right now."
 Jada, 25
How does your nudism affect your sex life?
It makes everything less of a big deal. Doing all these nude activities, you start to distinguish nudity and sexuality. It's sort of like deconstructing sex a little more. Sex can just be an act, like it doesn't have to come with so much emotional baggage and personal baggage. It can just be a physical exchange if you choose to have it be that way.
I love it when my boyfriend goes down on me, but I'm uncomfortable with him being up-close and personal with parts of my body — my hips, my ass — I hate that. It takes away from my enjoyment. How can I get more comfortable with the way I look naked?
I had a friend who's gorgeous, really, she's so beautiful. And she's so insecure because she has an inverted nipple. [Laughs] When she gets naked, no one even notices her inverted nipple, but she has that same fear of "Oh, I can't let a guy look at me naked because of my inverted nipple!" No one ever notices! She has gorgeous tits. And she finally realized that no one even cared or judged her inverted nipple. And she was the only one judging it. It definitely helps to realize that you're the one judging yourself.
To get over it, should I go to a nude beach?
I would say, yeah, that helps. Realizing that you're the only one with the insecurities,
and your boyfriend, if he wants to go down on you, obviously, he's not viewing
your body the same way you're viewing it.
How can I make my partner more comfortable with his body without gratuitous compliments?
I think the most comforting thing is knowing that someone wants you, so if you legitimately want them, let that be known. You don't need gratuitous compliments.
Right on. What's the nudist substitute for a striptease?
That's so funny, because people are so much sexier with clothes on! Another really funny nudist story is of this girl who walks by the pool and everyone can see these tiny little lines from her bathing suit and this one guy says to another, "I bet she looks great in that."
What's a sexual mistake you've made that you'd like to warn
others
against?
Well, there are so many. But they're all the common ones like trusting pulling
out as a form of birth control.
What is the one thing no one should ever do when going down on a woman?
Never, ever, ever say something like, "doesn't smell so good: or "when was the last time you showered?" You never say anything that's going to give someone else a complex, because that's rude. They'll always be wondering how they smell or taste.
 Paul Nocera, 43
Chair of the Steering Committee
www.males.org
How does being a nudist influence and enhance your sex life?
It doesn't always influence it positively, because I have the desire to be totally
nude whenever there's a sexual encounter. That restricts the when and where
I can do it. If I want to get it on in a taxi, I have to take it all off or else
it feels cramped.
Is masturbating while looking at someone on a webcam and chatting cheating?
I'm of the opinion that there's a sexual orientation and gender orientation, there's also a relationship orientation. So what is your relationship orientation? If you're polyamorous and you have that relationship with your lover, then you can invite the person on the webcam over. If you're in the closet about you feelings for guys and you happen to be a guy and you're dating a woman, and then you're on the webcam looking at guys, that's cheating.
What is the segue into polyamory?
If you're interested in exploring it there are a couple of really good books mostly about radical honesty. You can go to lovingmore.com, I would say get the book and leave it out. Leave it on the coffee table. Read a couple of chapters, say it was something you picked up on the internet and you thought it'd be interesting and then you go from there. Ultimately, if you're interested in doing that, you're exploring one of two things: It's either the fact that you want to have love surrounding you or you really want to have sex surrounding you. Either way, you should start with being totally honest with your lover.
Any accessory you can't live without?
My cock ring. Actually I don't wear it as a cock ring, I wear it as a ball ring.
It looks like a leather bracelet and actually I wear it as a leather bracelet
when I don't have it on, but I need to carry it with me. And for nudists that's
something! A genital bracelet!
What's the sexiest, ignored body part?
Armpits and that spot on your foot just before the heel where it's kind of ticklish.
What's a sex mistake you've made you want to warn others against?
Getting so drugged up, or being in such a situation that you can't communicate, you can't say where are the condoms, are we doing this safely, do I know where my hand has been and your mouth has been.
My new beau keeps making jokes about our wedding. For example, we'll
be eating ice-cream and he'll say something like "Oh, ya, we'll need an
ice-cream cake at our wedding." I know he's just kidding around but he's
freaking me out. Is this normal? How can I say something without sending him
running?
I guess the trick…well, the non-trick is to address it directly. Say, "You've
been making a lot of comments about marriage and I know that's probably a goal
that you have. I need us to slow down and/or talk about that more directly.
If you are really interested, do you have a timetable involved? And if so, what
is it? And by the way, can we have a nude wedding?" n°
Interviews
by Catrinel Bartolomeu. Sex
Advice From...
appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general
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