The Nerve Dating Confessions were buzzing away this week, with submissions ranging from the explicit (we didn't know what a "ball stretcher" was, but we do now!) to the heart-warming (life-affirming survival stories!). And with every new week comes a new round of The Confessies, the awards that celebrate the poignant and the hilarious contributions of our readership. This week, we deal with the pull between religion and sex, the secret medical danger of love, and see one shining ray of hope burst through the dark cloud of our life. Join us, won't you?

The Mary Magdalene Award for Religious Devotion:
November 19 2009, 07:39P
"I'm glad you're a religious person. I'm religious, too. But I'm also kind of trying to seduce you, so... maybe we could talk about anything else?"

The Robert Pattinson Award for Twilight Devotion:
November 17 2009, 04:22A
"You had to pee twice during the movie. I'm losing interest."

The American Medical Association Coronary Awareness Award:
November 18 2009, 09:13P
"You make my heart skip a beat. And then another one."

The Human Resources Award for Disregarding Company Policy:
November 17 2009, 12:48A
"Oh wow, you actually made our shitty job fun for me today. I so rarely do this, but I think I'm going to have sex with you even though we just met."

The Sunshine and Puppies Award for Achievement in Warming Our Cold, Dead Hearts:
November 20 2009, 01:46A
"The whole idea of having a wedding always made me squirm--all those people staring at you? We are not at that point yet and I am not ready for that step in my life, but the other day you smiled, and for just a second I had this flash--clear as day--of you standing at the end of an aisle in a tux and smiling like that at me. And I knew that if we ever get to that point I won't care about people staring at me, or anything else but that smile."

The Honorary Egg Man Award:
November 15 2009, 09:22P
"Every time I start to feel sad about you and miss you, I remember how stupid you sounded as you cheered for the band that night. Like a walrus, a dying walrus, played in slow motion."

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