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| Black Sea, Blue Balls |
While it's not uncommon for army sergeants to have trouble with their privates, one doesn't expect a private to have troubles with his privates. This week a twenty-one-year-old Romanian soldier named Adrian Busureanu collapsed and began convulsing uncontrollably at a barracks in Valcea, Romania. After carrying out exhaustive tests, doctors at a military hospital diagnosed Busureanu as suffering from an "acute case of sexual frustration." Said a befuddled army spokesman, "He became feverish, delusional and finally hysterical after being apart from his girlfriend for two months. Busureanu told doctors that being apart from his girlfriend for so long had been unbearable: "I haven't seen her since I came here two months ago. It is impossible." Busureanu later admitted he had never head of this "wonderful jerking-off thing" the doctor mentioned.
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| The Parent Trap |
In what marks a great advance in the field of things you sort of knew already but really didn't want to think about, a team of researchers at St. Andrews University has determined that people are attracted to those who resemble their parent of the opposite sex, particularly when it comes to hair and eye color. The choice of a mate who looks like a parent has previously been observed in other species, notably monkeys. The researchers theorized that constant exposure to an image creates a sense of attraction and comfort. Researchers also theorized that this phenomenon will occur much more often when your mom is hot.
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| Is That a Penis in Your Pocket
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It's a classic Bollywood tale: Parents arrange for Indian boy to meet Indian girl. Boy and girl court. Boy marries girl. Girl has affair with local teenage stud. Enraged husband and his crew pay the young interloper a visit, slice off his penis with a sword, then tuck the dismembered member in the victim's pocket. According to The Times of India, the victim, Jagdish Jeevan Baria, waited thirteen hours before showing up at the hospital. Doctors managed to reattach the organ after a nine-hour operation. We trust those thirteen hours were spent doing some deep soul searching; or maybe he was looking for his penis — ever run around the house for twenty minutes looking for your keys only to find that they were in your pocket?
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| Heart and Sole |
Legend has it that in New York City the (fairly common) sight of two shoes hanging from an outdoor telephone wire indicates a drug deal or murder. Alas, with little crack dealing taking place at the University of Minnesota, students have been forced find another outlet for the primal urge to hang shoes on things. Minneapolis' Star Tribune reported this week that a tree on U of M's campus is festooned with thousands of old sneakers, tossed there by jubilant undergrads after losing their virginity. Because — haven't you heard? — shoes are for virgins. The students, some quite literally left barefoot and pregnant, are participating in a ritual whose origins are shrouded in the mists of time — one careful observer noted that he could still spot the old brown-and-orange Pony sneakers upon the knotted branches. Despite concerns that the laces may ultimately choke and kill the tree, there are no immediate plans to remove the shoes. To do so would be to destroy an endless source of profound philosophical contemplation. As one student remarked, "This tree, without the shoes, we wouldn't even realize it. It would be just another tree." Okay, so maybe there are a few crack dealers at the school.
Assistance provided by Carrie Hill Wilner.
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Commentarium (4 Comments)
Do you think that mortician have fun with nice beautiful dead womens bodies, if so tall me so, do you think mortician play with young womens dead bodies.
The California Supreme Court a few days ago made a decision that will allow a woman to say no to sexual intercourse at any time during the consensual sex between adults. It means that a woman could haul a lover into court on a rape charge if he did not stop screwing, frankly. I understand rape, which is forcible unwanted sexual assault, (even between a married man and woman) and is a major felony, but this latest decision regarding mutual sex between adults is ludicrous.
The good old California Supreme Court ruled that at any time during intercourse, an adult women engaging in consensual sex can say stop, and if the man does not, she could file rape charges. How many more men are going to be tried and convicted of sexual assault? Any rational adult understands forcible rape as assault, a felony, and having sex with underage females, but this new decision is beyond the pale. Not only do men have to contend with sexual harassment stuff in the office or factory, now a wacky woman can yell rape with a man she is furious with. What the hell is going on between the sexes?
The Miller beer commerical featuring two women in a "Catfight", ending with the two in bra and panties has caused an uproar. Most of the complaints are from married women over 40 with families. I have to admit I enjoy the ad and many men of all ages do. My girlfriend and me were watching a NFL game and as soon as the ad was on, her hand could tell I was aroused as she nuzzled my ear and said, "I know two naked girls wrestling turns you on" and within a short time she had stripped me for fun in the bedroom. I hope the ad plays often, not just during football games. My friends girl likes to tease him by standing in front of the TV during a game naked, in heels, and shares two stiff Old Fashioneds as he tries to concentrate on the game.
Now you say something