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Our Two Dads

Life imitating art is a common theme in TWIS. Although we’re not entirely sure if My Two Dads was ever syndicated to the former Yugoslavia, the Eighties sitcom seems to have inspired an Croatian threesome. This week, a twenty-three-year-old woman who slept with two men at the same time revealed that her seven-month-old twins have two different fathers. Medical experts say that twins who have two different biological fathers are extremely rare — but markedly more common in women who enjoy banging two dudes without condoms simultaneously. This story comes only weeks after a Greatest American Hero fan in Kenya attempted to fly from the roof of the Belgian embassy in Mombassa, killing himself and three onlookers.

Sex-Ed Teacher Gets Spanked

This week, a forward-thinking Florida health teacher dimmed the lights in his classroom, put on Christmas carols (the only music he had on hand) and instructed a female student to put a condom on a banana. Instead of praise for his avant-garde production, Colin Nicholas now faces disciplinary action. Nicholas says the lesson was designed to show pupils how to practice safe sex. Local education officials say that Nicholas showed poor judgment and that condoms have “no place” in local public schools (as opposed to teen pregnancy and disease, both of which are seemingly encouraged). Said Nichols, in his defense: “It wasn’t merely a demonstration of how to place a condom over a banana. It was a role play simulating a situation students could find themselves in.” Only one student is believed to have complained. Let’s hope he or she can find a babysitter on prom night.

Open Up and Say AAARRRGGGHHH!

Things you don’t need to reveal: surprise party plans, drunken indiscretions, the fact that someone looks terrible in their new sweater. Things you should reveal: your opinions on Iraq, food allergies and the fact that you’re about to perform a pelvic exam. A recent survey of British medical students revealed that a quarter of vaginal examinations in England are performed on anesthetized patients without their consent. Perhaps it’s a British public health campaign to encourage women to make gynecologist appointments they might otherwise avoid. Or maybe doctors consider it expedient: you’ve already got the patient on the operating table, why not kill two birds with one stone and take a peek downstairs? In what may be a related story, this week the British Medical Association announced the release of its new home video: Girls Gone Wild in Exam Room One.

The Friendly, Friendly Skies

“Chicken or beef?” was a question flight attendants used to ask while jarring elbows around mealtime. But on a flight scheduled for this May, that might be a way to differentiate the physical appearance of the passengers. Castaways, a Houston travel agency specializing in clothing-optional vacations, is organizing a Miami-to-Cancun trip which it claims will include the first nude flight. Not that the company condones any hanky panky: “This is not a Mile High Club,” claims owner James Bailey. “It’s not a bunch of groupies or anything. It’s just a fun flight.” More than half the seats have been booked, said Bailey, who will enjoy the trip with his wife. The flight crew will be professionally dressed, and passengers will be required to keep their clothes on during check-in and takeoff. As an extra precaution, no hot food or beverages will be served. In response to complaints, Bailey might organize an additional flight for people who enjoy pouring boiling coffee on their genitalia.

Assistance provided by Carrie Hill Wilner

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