This Week in Sex

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This Week in Sex   
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January 28, 2000

Silver Foxes

When her husband died of leukemia two years ago, Angela Baker of Rylstone, England, hit upon a strangely touching way to honor the fifty-four-year-old national park officer and amateur gardener: she got nekkid and posed for her friend’s photographer-husband. Now ain’t that just the sweetest thing?


Actually . . . it kind of is. Baker, fifty-four, and ten of her fellow members of the Rylstone and District Women’s Institute, ranging in age from forty-five to sixty-six, wanted to pay tribute to John Baker while raising money to fight the disease that killed him. So they got liquored up, decked themselves out in pearls and fancy hats — and nothing else — and posed for a pin-up calendar shot by Miss July’s husband. They figured they’d sell 240 of them at $12 a pop and that’d be that. But to almost everyone’s surprise, the calendar became something of a national sensation in England. It’s already netted $825,000 for leukemia research and has inspired thousands of letters from other “oldies” around the country thanking the women for boosting their self-esteem.

Hardened Criminals

A proposed new law could mean bad news for strip club patrons — and really bad news for adolescent boys — throughout Mississippi. The bill, introduced by Republican state Senator Tom King, would make it illegal for sexually aroused men to appear in public. Now, before you start tossing around words like “enforceability” and “Constitution,” know this: the bill is plenty specific, threatening to outlaw “the showing of covered male genitals in a discernably turgid state.” Punishment for such a breach would be as much as a $2,000 fine and a year in jail.

Hooked on a Feelin’

It’s always a beautiful thing when modern technology is outperformed by simple, good old-fashioned witchcraft. Take, for example, the traditional practice of runyoka, now gaining popularity in Zimbabwe. “It’s like an alarm system you install at home or on a car,” Peter Sibanda, the public relations secretary for the Zimbabwe National Traditional Healers’ Association, tells the Sunday Times of South Africa. Only, instead of making a lot of noise and annoying the neighbors, runyoka acts as a “human central-locking system” designed to prevent sex outside marriage — “just like a chastity belt,” says Sibanda.


One popular method, according to the Times article, is “dog style” (not what you’re thinking). A man takes a pocket knife that has been prepared by a traditional healer and asks the unsuspecting woman to close the blades. By doing so, the woman “locks” herself; if she ever makes love to another man, the two won’t be able to uncouple until the man who performed the spell re-opens the knife.

Quotes of the Week

“I think a hundred thousand young women would have done what [Monica Lewinsky] did had they had the chance. The President of the United States? He’s yummy! He’s delicious!”

Helen Gurley Brown, as reported in the New York Post.

“It’s only one night. Perhaps it would be a nice change.”

— “Carmen,” the German woman whose unemployed husband wants to offer her up on national television for a night of sex for half a million dollars.

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©2000 Dan Reines and Nerve Publishing