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Feburary 8, 2002
News That Isn't
A little advice for all you job-seekers out there: always be on time to the
interview. Never bring up salary until the gig's been offered. And finally
— and this is a biggie — when you're filling out that application
and you come across the question, "Sex?" For the love of God, resist the
urge to answer, "Yes."
Really now, it's common sense, innit? Well, apparently it's not common
enough. According to Washington Post columnist Bob Levey, one
unnamed fool in the D.C. area who'd reached his third job interview with an
also-unnamed dot-com committed just that basic blunder not too long ago,
with not-so-positive results. According to Levey, the applicant figured
hey, in the world of iEmployment, anything goes, right buddy? "I
didn't think it would hurt to have a little fun," said Mr. Sex-Yes. "This
was the world of high tech, where they say it's important to have fun. I
though it couldn't do any harm." Uh, apparently he thought wrong. The
company turned him down for the job, and now he's suing them for — no
kidding — discrimination against light-heartedness. Guess there's no
law barring discrimination against idiots.
God Spay the Queen
Somewhere along the line, the British got saddled with a reputation for
abject sexlessness, and no amount of rigged polling by condom manufacturers has been able to
overturn that image. And while we here at This Week in Sex haven't a
clue from whence this rep arose — hey, all the Limeys we know
are plenty sex-positive — we do know this: whoever's spreading the "No
Sex Please" rumors hasn't had a look lately at the U.K.'s animal
kingdom.
Just look at all the four-legged firecrackers roaming the petting zoos and
pig farms of the Mother Country. There's Sooty, of course, the legendary Welsh guinea pig who
impregnated twenty-four guinea sows in one guinea-tacular evening in late
2000. And there's Rex, the
thirty-six-stone stud pig who lost his job last month not 'cause he
wasn't a big enough breeder (twenty-five ladies a week enough for you,
pal?) but because he was too big — at five hundred porky pounds, Rex was
crushing his mates. Now comes Monty, the English bull terrier who was
stolen from a Scottish kennel and put to work for five harrowing days as,
yes, a stud dog. According to the Daily Record of Glasgow, thieves
broke into the hound-dog Hilton through a skylight and snatched the pooch,
whose owner was on holiday with his girlfriend. Because of his breed,
police figured Monty was headed for the dogfights, but when he was found
less than a week later, he had lost weight and was exhausted —
apparently from a five-day sexual bender. And according to a veterinarian
with the Scottish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, now
that ol' Monty's had a taste of the good life, he's having a hard time
readjusting to celibacy. "Their temperaments change when they're bred for
the first time," says the vet. "Monty is out of character. He is listless
yet restless and is constantly looking for other dogs." Yep — kinda
brings ya right back to your first time, don't it?
Bad Cop, No Schnitzel
In our experience, you can't put nothing past a cop. They stare at you
through those reflective sunglasses, steel-faced and stoic, and no matter
how good your excuse is (and we've had some great excuses, boy),
they always give you the damn ticket. So we've got one question: Why
can't we ever run into some Austrian cops while going fifty-five in
a school zone?
To explain: An elite crew of police officers from the southern Austrian
town of Graz was demoted to routine patrol duty this week after it was
discovered that they were duped into posing nude — save for their
guns, handcuffs and nightsticks — for a wall calendar. Duped, you ask?
How does someone dupe a cop into posing nude for a calendar? Well,
apparently it's not that hard. According to a Reuters report, one Josef
Steinhuber, businessman, invited the officers, all of them part of a
special security force called Cobra, to participate in the calendar, which
he said was designed as a public relations tool for the department. (Uh
huh.) Naturally, they were wary — 'cause when you're a copper, people
are always trying to trick you into posing naked for calendars, and usually
it's a bad idea — but this Steinhuber fellow was crafty. He assured
the Graz police superintendent that his plan had the blessing of the
Interior Ministry, who are the folks in charge of deciding such things.
Apparently not the questioning sort, the superintendent reportedly okayed
the shoot at that point, going so far as to offer up the use of a sports
hall — as well as the guns, cuffs and other assorted police
accessories featured in the photographs. Alas, it turns out that the
Interior Ministry hadn't actually given its approval for the
calendar (shock!), and now there are reportedly 350,000 copies of
"Explosive Cops 2002!" floating around southern Austria, rendering the Graz
police department a laughing stock on the streets. "I think my colleagues
were tricked," said Graz police director Franz Stingl, demonstrating an
admirable grasp of the obvious. Added another cop, who went unnamed in the
report, "To call them naive would be flattering them." Maybe so. But it
sure seems like the right word . . .
Quotes of the Week
"[I'm] built like a stallion, just right for riding."
— Godfather of Soul James Brown, allegedly, to model and
former employee Lisa Agbalaya. Agbalaya is suing Brown for $1 million for
sexual harassment and wrongful termination.
"I'm a church-going man . . . I ain't got no time for that."
— Brown, denying the allegations under oath.
"I am not gay. I love my wife and I love my family."
— Emilio Estefan, Jr., Latin music mogul and husband to
Gloria, upon filing his a $1 million defamation lawsuit against an actor
who alleged Estefan had sought sexual favors from him.
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©2002 Dan Reines and Nerve.com, Inc.
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