This Week in Sex

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This Week in Sex   
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February 11, 2000


You’ve heard the sordid stories: two people begin a flirtation over
the Internet. After a little provocative conversation, they meet in person, go to a secluded spot and the pair of complete strangers
engages in some hot, anonymous. . . necking?


That’s right, necking. And in Provo, Utah, home of Brigham Young
University, that kind of unbridled carnality has managed to spark an
honest-to-goodness scandal. The source of all the fuss is BYU’s NCMO Page,
a new online service created by a group of BYU students. For the
uninitiated, NCMO is short for “Non-Committal Make-Out” — which is pretty
much just what it sounds like. Since the site was launched in late January,
it has generated some 3500 hits, facilitated an unknown number of NCMO
pair-ups, and inspired a school-wide debate about what kind of pre-marital
canoodling is acceptable for Mormon youth. Says a spokesman for the group
(speaking on condition of anonymity), “We just want to bring the world together, one kiss at a time.” Ain’t that sweet.

Moonie Walking

Who says kids can’t get up for a good cause anymore? Waving signs bearing slogans such as “Free Sex: No,” some five hunded youths from around the
world rallied in Seoul, Korea, this week in an effort to put an end
to casual sex. Organized by the National Headquarters to Practice True
Family Values (NHPTFV, presumably a meaningful acronym in Korean) — a group associated with Rev. Sun Myung Moon’s Unification Church — the rally featured local protesters as well as imports from the U.S., Japan, Latin
America and Europe. The protesters vowed to have sex only within marriage
and marched through the city chanting “Chastity! Love!” It’s worth noting that the protesters’ love doesn’t necessarily extend to the unchaste — among the picket signs was this message: “Extramarital affair, you are a witch.”

An Icicle Built For . . . ?

Back in the fifties, bored college kids used to entertain themselves by
cramming too many people into phone booths and Volkswagens. Nowadays,
listless students think bigger. A lot bigger.


Continuing a three-year-old tradition, a group of Northwestern
University undergrads has erected a giant snow phallus in front of their
dorm. The penis stretches some fifteen feet into the air and measures a
good four feet across (we can only imagine what it might look like if it
weren’t so cold out there). Dorm president Sean Morse said the group had considered clearing snow from around the base of the shaft to expose surrounding grass — for effect — but decided against it. “That’s sort of tacky,” Morse said. Morse also explained how the giant penis had evolved since the tradition’s conception: “In 1998 it was kind of like a porn-star (penis). It was skinnier and curved. It’s a regular man’s penis now. It’s a pretty sturdy (penis).”


We’re going to go out on a limb here and say that that is not a regular
man’s penis.

Politicians with Less Baggage

American politicians seeking to stand out in a two-party system where everyone claims “The Middle” as their platform might want to take a few tips from candidates in India. According to an article in the Irish Times, the central Indian state of Madhya Pradesh has begun to embrace the idea of political eunuchs — and no, we don’t mean that metaphorically. Just last month, a fifty-year-old castrato was elected mayor of the Madhya Pradesh town of Katni, declaring, “The people of Katni are now my family.” Now another eunuch, Heera Bai of nearby Jabalpur, is contesting the upcoming state assembly by-elections with the message that hey, voters have been betrayed by both male and female politicians — why not try something different? According to the report, eunuchs from all over India are streaming into Jabalpur to support Bai.

Runaround Sued

A Zambian high court judge has publicly urged the wives of cheatin’ men to
insist on condoms during marital sex. The judge, Ireen Mundia, was
presiding over a case in which thirty-eight-year-old Falesi Mbwebe sued her
husband, claiming his philandering was cheating her out of her rightful
share of sex. Mundia told Joseph Mbwebe to honor his marital obligations —
but also advised the woman to be especially careful. The judge’s concern is
not unwarranted: one in five Zambians between the ages of nineteen and forty-nine has either HIV or AIDS.

Quotes of the Week

“I have to be outrageous here because I’m competing with naked women. I’m
not sure how long I can keep readers from looking at the girl with no pants
on, sitting on a llama. At some point you have to say something inflammatory, like, ‘I fuck raccoons.'”

Daily Show host Jon Stewart, in Playboy.

“They even got my school headmaster to ask me if I was turning into a pansy. I never understood this horticultural reference.”

Barry Humphries — better known as Australian drag king “Dame Edna” — about his parents’ worries when he was a kid, as quoted in the New York Post.

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©2000 Dan Reines and Nerve Publishing