This Week in Sex

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This Week in Sex   
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February 16, 2001

Dude Looks Like Our Lady

After last year’s dung-spattered Mary in the Sensation exhibit, you’d have thought the Brooklyn Museum of Art would tread lightly, but Renee Cox’s “Yo Mama’s Last Supper,” a photographic series depicting Christ as a nude black woman, has caused another, similar stir. New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani is using the exhibition as the pretext to form a “decency commission” for institutions that use New York City taxpayer money. Since Nerve is not funded by Hizzoner, we encourage you to take a look at our gallery of Cox’s work, “Shocking, Herself” — which includes the much-discussed but little-seen “Last Supper.”

Ancient Chinese Secret, Eh?

It probably didn’t take a whole lot of sleuthing to sense something fishy
about the latest soft drink to hit the markets of western Japan. After all,
the ads on the Internet and in men’s magazines touted the drink as “the
solution to your nighttime problems,” and they clearly weren’t talking
about insomnia. And given its enormous popularity &#151 some 43,000 bottles
have been sold in the past year in and around the town of Nagoya at the
insane price of 3,000 yen (about twenty-six bucks) per bottle — well, it was
obviously solving somebody’s nighttime problems.


So it should come as no real surprise that, according to a Reuters report,
the Japanese government moved in this week to confiscate 4,000 unsold
bottles and issue a ban on the over-the-counter aphrodisiac. The
beverage’s secret? Well, the firm that imported the stuff from China claims
that the magic elixir contains “squeezed Chinese fruits resembling grapes,”
which act as some sore of, er, hardening agent. And that very well
may be true — hey, those Chinese have a lot of tricky little plants over
there. Still though, cynics might be forgiven for wondering if those
Chinese “grapes” might be the kind that are little and blue and chalky when
“squeezed,” the kind of grapes Bob Dole has been known to hawk in awkward
television spots. Because when the Japanese government tested the
confiscated bottles, they found that each unit contained 64.3 milligrams of
sildenafil, the active ingredient in Viagra. By way of comparison, one
dose of Viagra has about twenty-five milligrams of sildenafil — fifty for the
double dose. All of which may go a long way toward explaining the Chinese
martial art of penis-hanging.

And Speaking of China . . .

It’s not as though the world’s never seen a museum devoted entirely to sex
— after all, Amsterdam’s got one, and hundreds of intoxicated
backpackers file through every day on their way to the “coffee” house. But
there’s something different about the museum they’re planning in the
southern Chinese province of Guangdong. Something . . . cooler, if you ask us.


For starters, there’s the fact that it’ll be in China, a nation so sex-shy
that most people are reportedly ashamed to even mention The Deed (though
with more than a billion Chinese running around, someone there obviously
keeps bringing it up). According to a report from the Xinjua News Agency,
sex has been a touchy issue in China ever since the Song Dynasty roughly a
thousand years ago (the report doesn’t explain exactly what the Songs did
to screw everyone up). But more intriguingly, the Chinese government plans
to put the $600 million museum in Shaoguan City in the southern Chinese
province of Guangdong, famous for its steep cliffs and rocks with bizarre
shapes. And when we say “rocks with bizarre shapes,” what we really mean is
“rocks shaped like human genitalia.” That’s right, the museum, which will feature documents and materials which trace humans’ natural desires, including the history and behavior of sex,
will be set in what is commonly referred to as the “garden of natural
nudity.” Which, come to think of it, is what a lot of people call Amsterdam.

Phallic Phlask

We don’t know what Ruth Panes was looking for recently in a London cesspit,
but it’s probably a good bet she wasn’t expecting what she found: namely, a
six-inch penis. Well, more specifically, a six-inch drinking penis.


Now, before you go calling the folks at Guinness, the penis doesn’t
actually drink — though that would indeed be impressive.
Rather, the penis is made for drinking; it is in fact a cup.
According to a Reuters report, field archaeologist Panes found the
three-hundred-year-old earthenware vessel on a dig recently, and after it was
properly, uh, polished, the sexy stein was put on display at the Museum of
London — when else? — on Valentine’s Day. The cup, which measures
sixteen centimeters long (about six and a half inches, or just under an
inch longer than the average Brazilian “drinking cup”), was, according to the museum’s
curators, “rendered with exact anatomical precision,” and will eventually
join a display featuring eighteenth century pornographic tiles. According to a
statement released by the museum, the vessel features “a small cup above
the testicles [which] suggests that the vessel was used to contain liquid,
possibly wine, beer or ale.” Not for nothing, but that doesn’t sound all
that precisely anatomical.

Quotes of the Week

“Sex is a language. You’re fluent in it.”

Carrie Fisher to Ben Affleck, as quoted in Us
The question is, How often do those two talk?

“I hate sex. I’m done with it. I tell my husband he should go have sex
with other people, but he never does.”

— Comedian and sometime nude model Roseanne, breaking hearts
all across the country, in Esquire.

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©2001 Dan Reines and, Inc.