February 23, 2001
Pull My Finger!
According to the Deutsche Presse Agentur news service, doctors removed the man’s left middle finger (they would have to use the middle finger, wouldn’t they?) and used skin from his other arm to shape and bind it into place yes, that place. The report says the sawbones turned the finger inside out to create a channel to allow “conventional” urination, and the bone was left in “to provide rigidity when needed.” Twelve days after the December operation, the man, said to be somewhere in his fifties, was reportedly able to pee freely. Through his finger. Of course, that’s not all he can do with the thing: Dr. Ivan Kuzanov, director of the plastic surgery clinic where the seventeen-hour operation took place, reports that the man “is not married, but has two girlfriends who are very satisfied with the results.” Which just goes to show, it ain’t the size of the gun, it’s where you point it.
Is It Cheaper If You Just Use My Finger?
Boy, you dot-com kids out there in San Francisco think you have it sooo good, don’t you? Just because you can wear shorts to work, and you get free all-you-can-stomach Red Bull, and you get to play air hockey and ping pong all day long, you think you’ve got all the perks. Well think again, skater dudes. ‘Cause you know that lady who drives your bus to work every day? She gets something pretty handy herself, if she wants it. She gets a penis.
That’s right: in a move that made employment benefits history, San Francisco announced plans last week to become the first U.S. city to finance sex change operations for municipal workers under its health care program. According to a Reuters report, city employees will be able to claim up to $50,000 of the cost of sex reassignment surgery beginning July 1, assuming all the T’s are crossed and all the I’s are dotted. San Francisco already reportedly has about a dozen transgendered employees on the payroll, and officials figure that as many as thirty-five city employees might take advantage of the new benefit in the first year, costing San Francisco somewhere in the posh neighborhood of $1.75 million. “This is a medically diagnosed condition gender identity disorder,” said city Supervisor Mark Leno. “One does not enter into this cavalierly. It really is a matter of equal benefits for equal work.” Well, almost equal benefits. The $50,000 outlay will more than cover the cost of male-to-female procedures, which run roughtly $37,000. But the women seeking to become men will have to pony up a little of their own dough to meet the $77,000 fee for their operations. Parts and labor you know how it goes.
Quotes of the Week
“I met my first wife at school. My second wife was at the same school. She was heartbroken when I