The Weekend Review

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Weekend Review
Quotes of the Week

“I’m very proud of my ass. I did suggest it for the [movie] poster and was told that would be illegal which I found both complimentary and interesting at the same time.

— Jack Nicholson on baring his backside in Something’s Gotta Give.

“You should have kept your heels on.”

— Seasoned sex taper Pam Anderson’s advice to Paris Hilton.

“Martin Luther King Jr. suffered from infidelity, so did John F. Kennedy. You’re more likely to find great leadership coming from a man who likes to have sex with a lot of women than one who’s monogamous.”
— Ethan Hawke, who allegedly cheated on his wife, Uma Thurman.

Image of the Week

Same-sex couples line a stairway while waiting in line for a marriage license at City Hall in San Francisco.






This Week’s Aggravation, Part I

When Bush didn’t mention a constitutional ban on gay marriages in his State of the Union address, we were timidly hopeful. Stupid, stupid TWR! Really, what did we think was going to happen?

On Wednesday, Bush declared his support for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. He claimed “activist (read: non homophobic) judges” were making efforts to redefine “the most fundamental institution of civilization.” (And here we’d thought the most fundamental institutions were, in order of fundamentality: capitalism, prostitution and the Girl Scouts.) Bush further explained that “ages of experience have taught humanity that the commitment of a husband and wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society.” We feel compelled to mention that ages of experience also taught that you could walk off the edge of the earth.

It could, we suppose, be worse. At least the Prez said he supported the right of states to allow gay civil unions (which are, as we gather, like marriages, without the gift registry). It could also be better. We could have a viable presidential candidate who actually supported gay marriage (which neither Kerry nor Edwards do). Ultimately, it’s just not fair to keep people away from the gift registry. —Carrie Hill Wilner


Pamela Anderson considers twelve years of celibacy.

Woman reports neighbor for loud four-hour sex session.

Catholic Church releasing sex abuse reports . More than 4,000 priests charged in the past fifty years.

Ohio woman gives birth to six babies in one minute. Says husband: “It was like a popcorn popper.”

New York driver nabbed while watching porn movie.

Danger! Barbie-wielding man stalking Pasadena neighborhood.

This Week’s Aggravation, Part II

As the weather warms, we’re starting to think about all our cute summer clothes, and the cute summer sex they go with. Interrupting our reverie: news that oral sex might be a potential factor in the development of oral cancer. (For the giver, if you hadn’t figured that out.) This was really the last thing we wanted to hear, much less tell you about.

Now how, exactly, does oral sex become oral cancer? Researchers at the International Center for Cancer Research in Lyon, France determined that oral cancer patients with HPV 16, a strain of HPV also linked to cervical cancer, were three times as likely to report having oral sex than those without the virus strain. It’s estimated, however, that drinking and smoking still cause seventy-five to ninety percent of oral cancers. So don’t swear off oral just yet. Use a condom or dental dam to make the risk even smaller. And know that you’re much more likely to develop oral cancer through heavy drinking or smoking, louche hedonist that you are. Carrie Hill Wilner

Over Indecent Exposure

TWR‘s panties are in many complicated knots over this week’s banter about the broadcasting world, in which “indecent,” “vulgar,” and “obscene” seem to be everyone’s favorite words.

As of today, “Bubba the Love Sponge” is off the air for “tasteless and vulgar” depictions of sexual acts, radio shock jock Howard Stern’s show has been knocked off stations in six cities because of “obscene” and sexually explicit language, and Sunday’s Academy Awards will be put on tape delay thanks to Janet Jackson’s right boob.

Rep. Fred Upton (R-Mich), has pushed legislation that would increase the maximum fine for indecency violations from $27,500 to $275,000. Cable and broadcasting industries are stepping up promotions of the TV rating system and the V-Chip technology that allows parents to block certain types of programming. And apparently, for people like Rep. Christopher Cox (R-Calif.), turning off the TV just ain’t enough. While wrestling with his five-year-old son, Cox needed a breather and called “halftime.” “[My son] jumped up on the coffee table and ripped off his shirt and said, ‘Halftime show!'” Cox said. We say, get your son some Ritalin and a bustier. In the meantime, TWR would like to offer Cox and other members of the anti-indecency mafia . . .

A list of news items being neglected in favor of trivial broadcasting banter on indecency:

* Haiti

* Iraq

* Sex abuse by priests

* North Korea’s nuclear weapons

* Universal healthcare, lack thereof

* Homelessness

* The fact that the line “Nobody puts Baby in the corner” is not in Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights

— Tobin Levy

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