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| Penis in a Bottle |
A Filipino man named George put the cock in Molotov cocktail this week by lopping off his own penis, wrapping it in newspaper and lobbing it through the window of his estranged wife, Evelyn. According to witnesses, George then yelled, "So you will not suspect I am courting another girl," while covering his bloodied crotch with his hands. An unimpressed Evelyn handed the severed three-incher over to stunned cops, who preserved it in a bottle with the help of an embalmer. Chances of the member being reattached are slim to none, not only because the penis is practically pickled at this point, but also because its distraught owner has been M.I.A. since the incident. George and Evelyn have been estranged for three years, ever since Evelyn's parents prodded her to live with them because George was jobless and thus incapable of supporting her and their two children. For its part, George's penis is reportedly delighted to finally be free of that loser.
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| Gucci Coochie |
While we weren't looking, pubic hair has become the new universal language of self-expression. Frankly, it all seems a little silly. We figure that once someone gets your pants off, he or she should be grateful enough not to care if you've taken up pube feng shui. Adam Senn, the male model in Gucci's new ad, seems to agree. He doesn't look remotely excited by the bas-relief "G" (ha ha, G-spot, we get it) that fellow model Louise Penderson has carved into her nether regions. He just looks kind of confused and sleepy, possibly drugged. While we can't see Penderson's face, we assume she looks drugged as well, as no one would agree to something so obnoxious while sober or, for that matter, conscious. Maybe we'd be more well disposed if this were some revolutionary upstart young designer trying to push some buttons. But Gucci? Sorority chicks at Rutgers carry Gucci bags. Do you need to be told that modeling your pubic hair after the mini-backpack of a sorority chick from New Jersey is NOT a good idea?
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| Cold Teat |
Imagine you're a law-abiding homeowner in Kent, Ohio. You look out your window one day and notice that a neighbor has committed a crime against humanity by building a zaftig snow-woman with two heaving breasts. What do you do? What can you do? Should you call the police? It may seem a bit reactionary, but really, how can you go about your daily routine with those ethereal orbs taunting you, calling to you with their siren song? The only way to keep your virtue is to have the snowy strumpet maimed. Such was almost the fate of homemaker Crystal Lynn's curvy creation, which was reported to Kent police as an "indecent snow figure." Asked to cut off the figure's breasts, which would have taught the icy Jezebel a lesson not soon forgotten, Crystal refused, agreeing only to cover the snow tits with a tablecloth. Oddly, no one has complained about the gigantic dildo emerging from the snow-woman's vagina.
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| War Relief |
Right now, thousands of highly trained personnel are moving across godforsaken lands to spring into action and make the world a better place. No, we're not talking about the allied bully-boys poised to unleash some whoop-ass on Iraq, but rather the armies of prostitutes that wily Bulgarian pimps are deploying to cash in on the arrival of U.S. troops. In the north Bulgarian town of Rousse, more than four busloads of women have already set out for the southeastern city of Bourgas, where U.S. troops may be based in the event of an attack on Iraq. Consider the war room: Pink fedora-wearing Slavs pushing chips representing battalions of hookers across a 20-by-30-foot relief map of the region. One pimp was reported as saying that the soldiers would receive "a worthy welcome." He then clarified: "By which I mean that they will be freaked wild until the break of dawn. "
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Commentarium (6 Comments)
Hey dudes, your legends on the stories don't match the legend key! I'm SOOO confused! (And, obviously, without a real life.)
On war relief: Bulgaria will be a good ally. Brilliant at math and science, and they have good wines. Rumsfield hints that many US troops will be moved from Germany to Bulgaria during the upcoming war on Iraq. Besides the guy who invented birth control pills there is Christo, the wrap artist, and dont forget the Bulgarian girl in "Casablanca" who offered herself to Claude Rains to get plane tickets. At least the GIs will be entertained by hookers who can offer decent wines to loosen the boys up for some old in and out action.
"This Week in Sex" is the stupidest of the stupid filler on Nerve. It sucks. It's boring. Nobody reads it. Get rid of it, already.
I am a close personal friend of the mother of "Adam Senn" the newest and upcoming face of Gucci. He happens to be a wonderful young man. I guess Tom Ford did what he entended and that is to grab attention of those who veiw his ads. As for the comment about "being drugged", sounds to me you must have a problem with sexuality, as do most Americans. This ad isn't getting near the reaction in the European market!
Gucci coochy:
I waited in line for an hour at the salon to get my coochy waxed just like that! It's really taking off hear in the Lone Star State!
oh please...give me a break!! As a close personal friend of Adam Senn--believe me--he was not "drugged"!! And I'm sure if he could have he would have had his tongue out--although I believe he had to shoot the picture in an artistic way...I love the campaign and what a catchy one---
Sure got you talking about Gucci--did'nt it...
You probably just have an ugly coochie and are jealous that a Gucci coochie can't even help you out!!!!
WAY TO GO TOM FORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now you say something