This Week in Sex

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This Week in Sex   
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March 3, 2000

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Mom always warned you to stay away from “that smut” — and you obviously didn’t listen to her. Now, according to a dubious new study, that may classify you as a “cybersex compulsive.”


The study, conducted by the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre [sic] and published in the March issue of Sexual Addiction and Compulsion, polled some 13,000 random visitors to the MSNBC Web site, asking a variety of questions about e-porn consumption habits. According to Dr. Al Cooper,
the study’s author, respondents were classified as compulsive if they scored high on a ten-item questionnaire about relationships and sex and said they spent more than eleven hours a week at porn sites, in sex chat, or at other sexually-oriented Web sites. Cooper says ninety-six of those
surveyed fit this definition, which he says translates into roughly 200,000 e-porn addicts on the Web.


So who’s most at risk? Women and gay men, who according to Cooper are “sexually disenfranchised” and “may not have the same skills built up that heterosexual men have on dealing with sexual temptation and pornography.” And your straight male colleagues who surf porn all day? They’re not perverts, they’re in training. They can stare a naked lady in the face and not bat an eye!

Putting the Virgin Back in Virginia

Sodomites, quick! Back into hiding! Looks like the news of the death of Virginia’s anti-sodomy laws were greatly exaggerated. Last week we reported that Old Dominion was on the verge of reducing “crimes against nature” from a felony to a misdemeanor charge (the state’s House of Delegates approved the bill). But in less time than it takes to say “Wait, oral and anal sex are still illegal in Virginia?,” the state Senate Courts and Justice Committee bowed to pressure from social and religious conservatives and voted to kill the bill for the year, leaving sodomy a crime punishable by as many as five years in prison, a fine of up to $2,500 and the loss of voting rights. Said Jack Knapp of the Virginia Assembly of Independent Baptists, which lobbied in support of the existing law, “You know and I know that there are no police in the bedroom. This is a time for strengthening the moral fiber of the Commonwealth. Reducing the penalty won’t do that.”

Pissing Contest

A half a dozen men were arrested last week in Key West, Florida, after they
were allegedly discovered jumping and shouting, completely nude, on top of
a car near a downtown market. Which, you know, is normally no big deal in
Key West — except that the car these men chose as their trampoline was
a patrol car belonging to officer Pablo Rodriguez, on duty at a
nearby nightclub. Teo Gonzalez, manager of Shorty’s Market across the
street, called police and told them, “I’m looking right now at six guys
completely naked.” At the time of their arrest, the men were allegedly taking
turns photographing themselves urinating on the car. They claimed the
photos were for publication on a Japanese website.

Mini Frankfurters

Here’s an item that’s bound to go over big in Berlin: according to a study
by leading German condom manufacturer Condomi, “the average German penis is
about 3.5 to 4 millimeters too narrow” for the standard-sized European
condoms. That’s right — Germany’s biggest condom-maker is charging
that their products are actually falling off half the Teutonic
tinklers they studied, according to an item in Focus magazine.


Way to drum up brand loyalty, fellas.


You can buy just about anything on the Net nowadays, but one thing you
can’t buy — not yet, at least — is the virginity of a
young, nubile, Hungarian girl. Not that the offer wasn’t tempting to the
dozens of Net surfers who bid last week for the chance to deflower
“Szandra,” a fictitious girl offered up on a Hungarian Web site. The site
operator, who claimed that the girl was ready to lose her virginity for “a
fair sum of money,” says the site received some 5,000 visitors in less than
twenty-four hours after the offer was posted. The highest bidder, according
to the site, was an American man, who offered 500,000 Hungarian forints
($1,886) for the girl. Proving that you can’t always get what you want
— but sometimes you get what you deserve — the Hungarian posted
the names, letters and contact information for each of the thirteen
highest bidders on the site.

Quotes of the Week

“Darva Conger, the whole world has fallen in love with you. We want to make
sure you have a real chance to earn the money you so richly deserve, so we
hereby offer to you $1 million to pose on Please call me.
Seth Warshavsky.”

— From an ad expected to be placed in the Los Angeles Times by
Warshavsky, president of online porn empire IEG. Conger, for those
who don’t know, is the Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire? bride.

“I was with someone who thought I was beautiful and sexy no matter what
size I was. I was able to discover that sexuality comes from within. Even
when I don’t like to look at myself in the mirror, my body has always felt
good to me . . . he gave me this wonderful gift.”

Monica Lewinsky, looking at the bright side of her
presidential liaison, in Redbook.

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©2000 Dan Reines and Nerve Publishing