March 9, 2001
Next Stop, Tran-sylvania
You already know all about India’s ongoing love affair with eunuchs, so it should come as no surprise that the subcontinent would openly celebrate those without, uh, the “burden of baggage” by holding a friendly little beauty contest for them. And in fact, that’s exactly what they’re doing this very week in Bhopal, where one hundred hijras, as the eunuchs are popularly known, will take a break from their normal duties dancing at Indian weddings to compete for the title of Ms. World 2001 in honor of Holi, the Hindu festival of colors.
Still, while that’s no big shock, you may be taken aback to learn that India’s abnormally high tolerance for gender ambiguity seems to be spreading throughout the region. Just a magic carpet ride away, the Cambodians seem to be opening their arms to transvestites, giving them a beauty contest of their own this past month. According to Reuters, nineteen-year-old Phnom Penh dancer Pop Pi won a tiara and a trophy, along with five hundred thousand Cambodian riel (alright, so that’s only 131 bucks), when he beat out twenty-nine rivals for the title of Cambodia’s most beautiful “ladyboy,” the presumably affectionate Cambodian term for trannies. According to the report, the contestants were judged on how “pretty, charming and similar to real women” they were, and the competition included the wearing of two styles of dress, traditional Khmer costume and an evening party dress. “We wanted to help the ladyboys be happy in society and not be neglected because they cannot change their ways,” said Louk Bonnarath, manager of the television station that sponsored the event.
More Smut from Planet Teletubbie
Oh Lord, it makes us choke to say it, but it looks like Jerry Falwell (ack!) was (ick!) right (ack! ick! cough!).
Yep. Two years ago, when the not-so-fun-damentalist lashed out at the hyper-infantile Teletubbies for supposedly promoting some hidden homosexual agenda, well, we just figured the old man had gone off his nut. A gay Teletubbie? Please. How would anyone know? Are those guys really to the point of puberty yet?
Well, as it turns out, the paranoid preacher may not have been so paranoid after all. According to reports in the British tabs, actress Pui Fan Lee you all know her as the tiny, red-outfitted Po has signed on to appear on the sexually explicit late-night British TV drama “Metrosexuality.” Only, unlike her last big role, Pui won’t be wearing a furry, rounded costume and dancing around like a eunuch at a Delhi wedding; in fact, from the sound of it, she won’t be wearing much at all. Says London’s Sun, Pui’s role is that of Jaye, a lesbian, and her character will be featured in a scene in which she’ll perform oral sex on another female character. And yes, we know what you’re thinking: That don’t mean anything, because Pui’s an actress, right? Yeah well, that’s what they said about Tinky Winky, and we’re not buying it this time around.
Tiny, Furry Pills
By the way, we’re not sure what kind of sex puts you at risk for E. coli, but we’re pretty sure that’s something you wouldn’t want to try.
Quote of the Week
“After thirty-three years of sexual excess, I lost it. But I’m okay with it. I love the fact that I won’t have to chase after twenty-year-old morons anymore. Now I’m only going out with intelligent women.”