This Week in Sex

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This Week in Sex   
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March 10, 2000

Old Rock Stars Don’t Die, They Just Get Convicted of Child Porn

Former Bay City Rollers drummer Derek Longmuir pleaded guilty this week to the possession of hundreds of pornographic images and videos featuring children. His plea comes just months after Gary Glitter was released halfway through a four-month sentence for a child-porn conviction. Glitter, of “Rock ‘n’ Roll Part II” fame, has since moved to Cuba. According to a report in the Scottish Daily Record, Longmuir may have left his Edinburgh home for Portugal, a country that clearly holds fond memories for him: it’s where he met fifteen-year-old Nelson Queiros, the boy who was living with him at the time of the 1998 police raid that led to his conviction.


Longmuir, now a nurse at the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary (what, you thought they were still touring?), claims the six thousand images police found in his flat belonged to an American friend. Naturally.

Krakow Crackdown

The U.S. Constitution is more than two centuries old, yet Americans still face a constant battle to maintain their personal liberties. (See: this column, every week.) So it’s understandable, perhaps, that just ten years removed from the fall of communism, Poland’s parliament remains
a bit unclear on the concept of personal freedoms. Last week, conservatives in the governing Solidarity party, backed by the Roman Catholic Church, passed a ban on the import, sale or distribution of pornography in Poland, with prison terms of up to two years for violators.
Critics say the measure — which has yet to be approved by President Alexander Kwasniewski — goes overboard, particularly because it makes no effort to actually define pornography. And they’re not going to fall for the old “I know it when I see it” line either.

Hard Time

Turns out, you can have too much of a good thing. That, it seems, is the lesson learned by the young Frenchman who dozed off last week in a sex shop in Reims, waking up only after the shopkeeper had locked up and left for the weekend. The twenty-five-year-old inadvertant shut-in had been watching a film — yes, the kind of film one generally doesn’t fall asleep to — when he nodded off. When he awoke late Saturday night, he was all alone. According to a Reuters report, the man managed to, uh, entertain himself for most of the day Sunday, but eventually lost all
interest in the shop. He then called the police to rescue him from his solitary confinement.

Quotes of the Week

“I have never told anyone anything inaccurate. It’s all very well sourced.
If he offers you a bite of his omelette, take a pass.”

— Gossip columnist Jeannette Walls in the New York Post,
on her claims that rival gossipmonger Matt Drudge has a “fetish with
chicken eggs.”

“He could be my toyboy, let alone mum’s.”

— Eighties pop star and Page Three Girl Samantha Fox,
thirty-three, on her mother’s twenty-eight-year-old groom-to-be.

“My character is like Traci Lords and she’s trying to get out of the porn
biz. I do have a scene that’s pure pornography, but it’s just me alone. And
a gerbil. I don’t know if I should say that.”

— Actress Alicia Witt in Stuff magazine, on her role in
the upcoming John Waters film Cecil B. Demented.

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©2000 Dan Reines and Nerve Publishing