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March 17, 2000

Kenya P.D. Blue

A group of Kenyan women, fed up with their husbands coming home drunk and
impotent, stormed a police station this week and demanded action. Literally.


According to a report in The People newspaper, the women were upset
that their husbands were spending too much time in illegal drinking dens
and not enough time tending to their wives’ physical needs. The sexually
frustrated protesters, drawn from two dozen local Catholic church groups
(please — like we could make this stuff up), demanded that the
officer in charge of the Kandara police station either find new husbands
for them — or order his officers to make love to them.


And thus was born another adult film plot.

The Children Shall Lead Us

Happens every year: high school civics teachers all over the land make
their students devise and draft a bill to send to the State Legislature.
It’s usually something benign — a bill calling for a
new state flower, for instance, or for a holiday honoring a state hero. But
the dozen or so kids in Bill Gunter’s government class at Frankfort
(Kansas) High had a different kind of bill in mind, and they’ve got the
rural community they live in (population 900) all abuzz.
Gunter’s class devised a bill that would require schools to distribute
condoms in public high schools to students over thirteen, as long as
they’ve completed a sex ed course. The kids persuaded their local
representative, Bruce Larkin, to introduce the bill, though he made it
clear that he didn’t agree with it and, frankly, it doesn’t have a
Darwinist’s chance in Kansas of passing.

Just a Little Trim

The women of Laval, Quebec, knew something was fishy down at the barber
shop. Maybe it was the fact that only men ever seemed to go there. Or maybe
it was that the men seemed to go there all the time. Or maybe —
just maybe — it was the shop’s name that tipped them off: Le Salon Sex


Whatever the red flag, several Laval women called the cops, triggering a
two-month undercover investigation of Le Salon. That probe ended this
week when police arrested eight people at the store, where stylists
routinely stripped, performed exotic dances and talked dirty as they cut
their clients’ hair. The owner of the salon was caught naked with a client,
playing with a sex toy. “We found some hair on the ground,” Police
spokesman Guy Lajeunesse told the Associated Press. “One of the men got his
hair cut. They have a few clients who go just for that.”



The Minister of Money Shots

The world of politics has always been rife with hypocrisy when it comes to
private affairs and public policy. So here’s to Swedish councilor Goeran
Eurenius, who not only doesn’t hide from his sexual peccadillos — he
makes sure there’s a camera on hand to record it all.


Eurenius, a forty-seven-year-old leftist from Haerryda (about 300 miles
southwest of Stockholm), has reportedly starred in fourteen pornographic
movies, and he intends to keep right on starring in ’em. (“I want to work
both with politics and pornography,” he told the Associated Press, some
might say redundantly.) Eurenius’ pro-feminist, anti-pornography Leftist
party may have something to say about that — a party spokesman suggested
last week that the local branch could expel him for his side work. But the
councilor didn’t seem fazed: “I am not planning to resign,” Eurenius said.
“If they expel me, I will remain as an independent throughout the term. I
am elected by the people.” Hear, hear!

Quotes of the Week

“I can tell you she’s fucking her brains out.”

— Madonnna publicist Liz Rosenberg to E! Online’s Ted
Casablanca, in response to a query about whether the Maternal Girl is
trying for a second child with British director Guy Ritchie.

“There were some people who wanted to call it The V Monologues but
that’s not the point. It isn’t a bad word — if anything, it’s a very
biological, medical word. But it’s not a dirty word.”

— Erstwhile That Girl star Marlo Thomas in the New
York Post,
on Eve Ensler’s off-Broadway play, The Vagina Monologues.

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©2000 Dan Reines and Nerve Publishing