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This Week in Sex   
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March 23, 2001


Casket Cleaver



They can make it bigger or smaller, they can straighten it, and they can even keep it working long after the traditional retirement age. Sometimes it seems like medical science has made the human penis indestructible. And you know what? Maybe they have. And wouldn’t you know it, the Russians are leading the way.


    

According to a story in the Moscow Times (of course we read it; you don’t?), a certain Dr. Pyotr Shcheplev, hotshot urologist, has been nominated for a $10,000 Prizvaniye prize for medicine for his pioneering work at the Muzhskaya Skoraya Pomoshch, or Emergency Care for Men, at the Russian capitol’s hospital number fifty. Dr. Pyotr’s crowning achievement? Apparently, a local coffinmaker last year had a bit of a mishap with a circular saw, which somehow got tangled up in his trousers. According to the report, the coffinmaker’s little Loved One had a rough time of it in the ensuing mayhem, and when it was all over, there were, er, six degrees of separation on the floor of his workshop. But after a quick trip to the miracle worker of hospital five-oh, the cloven casketmaker was completely back together and fully operational once again. The winner of the prize will be announced in June, and all we can say is, whatever the other nominees did, it had better be good.



Two to Tango



Oh Lordy, hide the kids. The Brazilians are dancing again.


    

You remember what happened the last time they did this, don’t you? Lambada, that’s what. A decade ago, the boys and girls from Brazil gave the world the forbidden dance — not to mention a couple of forgotten movies — and frankly, we here at This Week in Sex are still recovering from all that spiciness. But if the latest word out of Rio is to be believed, things down there have gotten a lot more forbidden since we last checked.


    

How forbidden? How’s this: according to Ananova.com, authorities in that city have cracked down on a new craze called “the chair dance” after a fourteen-year-old girl allegedly became pregnant and contracted HIV from it. Apparently, the dance is a simple variation on musical chairs, in which girls — often wearing micro-minis and nothing underneath — sit in boys’ laps when the music stops and simulate sex acts to a pulsing beat. Thing is, it’s not all simulated, and Rio family court judge Siro Darlan has ordered police raids on the “funk balls” where the chair dances take place. And Vera Larouche, director of a local charity, says that the fourteen-year-old in question isn’t the first girl to leave a funk ball with an unintended souvenir. “(The girls) have sex with more than one boy in a night, get pregnant, and then don’t know who the father is,” says Larouche, who claims she knows at least eight others in the same situation. We can’t wait for the movie of this one.



Harsh Justice




When you’re a teenager, things are rough all over. But in Cambodia, things just got a little rougher. That’s because, according to a Reuters report, police in that nation’s capitol have begun warning pubescent Phnom Penhians not to embrace one another in public anymore, calling such contact “an immoral act.” They also banned sex in public, throwing it into the same category with hugging, and if the two seem like odd bedfellows to you, well, you’re not alone. Still, according to the report, which first appeared in the English-language Cambodia Daily, municipal police last week rounded up thirty-seven teenage boys and forty-eight prostitutes for sleeping in public parks, though not necessarily together. The punishment for such sordid behavior? The cops lectured the boys and forced them to sign statements promising not to do it again. What did you expect: Caning?



Quotes of the Week



“I’m not supposed to talk about this, but on a scale of one to ten, I’ll give him a twenty. He’s all man . . . I wish every man were so gay.”




— Latvian model Ines Misan, enthusiastically (perhaps too enthusiastically?) defending the oft-questioned manliness of apparent beau Ricky Martin in the New York Post. Oddly, Misan’s publicist denies that the pair are dating.





“What, are we supposed to have a baby while go-go dancing or something?”




— Dancer Amanda Lepore, one of two post-operative transsexuals and “world-class entertainers” (per their lawyer) who say they were fired from New York nightclub Twilo because they used to be men.









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©2001 Dan Reines and Nerve.com, Inc.