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April 5, 2002

Dirty Dad

We have all, at one point or another, been excruciatingly embarrassed by our parents’ behavior. Their insistence on attempting the Lambada at a social function, their spluttering explanation of the human reproductive system or a vivid retelling of the time you crapped in your pants at Sea World to a prospective sweetheart.

    

Well that’s nothing compared to what Deepak T. Jahagirdar was accused of doing on Delta flight 2100 from Phoenix to Boston last Sunday. Fifty-one-year-old Jahagirdar of Scottsdale, Arizona, was accompanying his teenage son on a visit to Harvard University when he allegedly put his hand down the jeans of a woman sleeping next to him.

    

Through his attorney, Jahagirdar, a married father, denies the charges. Jahagirdar’s son, a high school sophomore, defended him by saying, “My dad is one of the nicest men ever.”

    

Kind of makes Pops padding around the house in his underpants seem trivial, doesn’t it?

This Town Ain’t Big Enough For the Both of ‘Em

In a story befitting an episode of South Park, former stripper Koleen Brooks has been relieved of her mayoral title in Georgetown, Colorado (Pop. 961), on grounds of, amongst other things, flashing. Apparently Ms. Brooks was rather fond of baring her breasts to her constituents in the bars surrounding the town. In a recall election Tuesday, 65% voted to oust Brooks. “The people have spoken,” said Brooks, crying.

    

Lynn Granger, a former Clear Creek County deputy sheriff and wife of a local judge, will replace the flamboyant mayor. Brooks and Granger, thirty-seven and thirty-eight respectively, both grew up in Georgetown and were a year apart at the local high school.

    

Standing outside her hair salon, Brooks said: “Everyone knew I was a stripper fifteen years ago. Half of the town came down [to Shotgun Willie’s in Glendale] to watch me.” Brooks went on to say that narrow-minded, vindictive town elders had targeted her.

    

They were probably miffed that they missed one of Brooks’ impromptu “meet-and-greets.”

Mad Mike

Crazed lunatic Mike Tyson has to register as a sex offender before he can fight in Tennessee. The one-time boxing great was convicted of raping a beauty pageant contestant in Indiana in 1992 for which he served three years of a ten-year sentence.

    

He is also a registered sex offender in Nevada, despite spending much of his time in the sandy sin city of Las Vegas. Tyson’s mental health has been under close scrutiny for the majority of his career. His hopes of shrugging off the men in white coats were dashed once and for all when he sunk his metallic choppers into Evander Holyfield’s ear during a fight.

    

“Iron Mike” has a bout with Lennox Lewis in Memphis, slated for later this year. This Week in Sex finds it fitting that Tyson’s swan-song bout should be held in Dixie since his career has been heading south for over a decade.

Quotes of the Week

“Tony Blair leads a government of gay gangsters and lesbians.”

— Newly “elected” Zimbabwean Prime Minister Robert Mugabe, attacking the British government as it considers suspending the African nation from the commonwealth on grounds of Mugabe’s vote rigging, draconian policies and his crushing of domestic dissent.


“We would prefer any form of undress or anything that’s sexy.”

Playgirl editor-in-chief Michele Zipp on the magazine’s invitation to former male Enron employees to pose naked.


Erotobituaries

Billy Wilder, March 27, 2002: director of some of the more trouser-tightening Hollywood productions of the 1950s and ’60s including, The Seven Year Itch and Some Like It Hot (both starring Marilyn Monroe at her most alluring). He was ninety-five.

Queen Elizabeth, The Queen Mother, March 30, 2002: not someone that you’d automatically associate with sex, but she was the matriarch of a family rocked by sexual scandal on a weekly basis—and she did do it at least twice. Despite her repeated threats to live forever, The Queen Mum died at the respectable age of 101.


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©2002 Grant Stoddard and Nerve.com, Inc.