April 6, 2001
Tolerance Sweeps the Continent!
Don’t look now, but there’s a trend afoot in Europe.
Last December, you’ll remember, the Netherlands became the first country in the world to legalize same-sex marriages, that law having gone into effect last Sunday with the midnight weddings of four gay couples at Amsterdam’s city hall. And now, there are rumblings in neighboring Belgium that that country despite a population in which three of every four citizens is Roman Catholic might just follow suit. According to CNN.com, government ministers in Brussels said this week that they’re considering allowing gay marriages. Said Health Minister Magda Alvoet, a member of the leftist Green Agalev party, “The government considers the right to marry a constitutional right, and the chance to marry the sole true opportunity to see that homosexual and heterosexual couples are treated in the same way.” And according to the report, the issue could be presented to Liberal Prime Minister Guy Verhofstadt later this month, with likely agreement. You ready, France? Looks like it’s your turn.
Listening Skills 101
Okay, here’s something: call the police. Don’t call 911 that’d be silly, not to mention dangerous and irresponsible. But call the police department’s other line, the one where they take reports on stuff like stolen cars and broken windows and lost kitties. See what they say. We’ll wait.
Because if your police department is anything like our police department, they probably say something along the lines of “Hello, police!” Or maybe, “Police department, g’mornin’!” What they don’t do is coo softly into the phone and invite you over for some hot lovin’. Don’t know why, but it’s just not done, and we’re pretty sure that holds true for most police departments, including the one in Colonie, New York. Which is why the story of twenty-two-year-old Scott Bernstein is just so pathetic. According to MSNBC.com, Bernstein allegedly called the Colonie cops last week looking for sex apparently, Mr. Bernstein mixed up the number he’d pulled from a dial-a-prostitute personal ad he’d seen in the paper. Thing is, when the police operator hung up on the poor sap, he called back again, and again, and again. Five more times, in fact. Apparently, Bernstein never did take that opening hint all police stations offer, and eventually the annoyed operator suggested he meet her for, uh, some hot lovin’ at a local hotel. Which he did. And now Bernstein has an arrest on his record for soliciting sex.
Hot Ferris Fun
There are few things in this world more relentlessly wholesome than the ferris wheel. Oh sure, there’s apple-cheeked babies and courageous firemen and honest, small-town mayors, but let’s be honest, none of those really exist. But the ferris wheel! Just the name of it evokes images of young, fresh-faced lovers holding hands high above the earth, cuddling, nuzzling, smooching. Screaming one another’s name with hot, libidinous passion.
Er, scratch that last part, unless you happen to live in Japan. Actually, if you live near Tokyo’s Kasai Sea Life Park, you probably know exactly what we’re talking about. According to Japan’s Nikkan Gendai newspaper, young couples have been using the park’s brand-new “Diamond and Flower Ferris Wheel” as an adult playground of sorts. Apparently, the wheel rises 117 meters above ground and features sixty-eight private gondolas-for-two, a gorgeous view of Tokyo Bay and a seventeen-minute-long circuit not to mention a P.A. announcement three minutes before the ride’s end. And if all that adds up to “hot ferris fun” to you, well, you’re not alone: according to the report, some 27,000 people lined up for the ride in the first three days after it opened. Says a grinning spokesman for Senyo Kogyo, the company that manufactured the wheel, “No matter how passionate they get, there’s absolutely no danger of couples causing any instability.”
Quote of the Week
“If it were true that I took Ecstasy, I wouldn’t have been in the hot tub with a gay man.”