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Weekend Review
Quote of the Week

“My only regret in life is that none of my children are gay.”
— Sharon Osbourne

Image of the Week

A screen shot from the newest edition of The Sims video game, which will be released later this year.

Concept of the Week: Rape Fantasy Chat Room

If you’re having rape fantasies, here’s a word to the wise: when you’re breaking into someone’s house to act out your fantasy (as part of consensual role-playing with a consensual partner, we must stress), make sure you’ve got the right address. ‘Cause if you don’t, you might end up in the wrong apartment, and staging a rape with someone who doesn’t know it’s fake . . . makes it real.

So that you shall heed this warning, TWR brings you the case of Michael Todd Howard. In September of 2003, Howard set up a meeting with a woman he met in a rape fantasy chat room. When he broke into his fantasy victim’s house, he struggled with the twenty-five-year-old resident while she screamed and finally kicked him in the balls. A confused Howard called the woman by her chat nickname. The woman said she’d never used a rape fantasy chat room (what a shock) and didn’t even own a computer. Howard had entered the wrong house.

Prosecutors agreed to drop the charges of intent to commit rape, false imprisonment and possession of illegal drugs if Howard pleaded guilty to residential burglary. He did, and is expected to spend a year in prison. Homework: How can you respect yourself and have rape fantasies at the same time? 500 words, due tomorrow, 9 a.m. — Sarah G. Harrison

Newswire

Bob Dylan shills for Victoria’s Secret.

Trend: Women are wearing good-luck charms molded like raccoon penises.

Tennessee may become first state to ban porn-watching in cars.

British TV network to televise abortion.

U.S. justice department rallies against pornography.

Novelty T-shirt Incites Furor

We’re regularly disappointed by the fashion sense of America’s youth, just as we were when we were America’s youth. Naturally, we were excited to read that one school in Queens was taking a stand against those passé vintage T-shirts. Then we were not excited. The T-shirt in question wasn’t causing problems because it was so ’98, but rather, because it read, in pink glittery letters, “Barbie is a Lesbian.”

Apparently, school administrators maintain that she is not. In 2002, fifteen-year-old Natalie Young was sent to the principal’s office for wearing the shirt in question. She was suspended for refusing to remove it. (This followed an earlier incident in which Young had been required to remove rainbow beads from her hair.) Young’s mother filed suit, and earlier this week, she won. The city agreed to pay Young $ 30,000, and announced that it will allow students to wear politically oriented clothing that is not libelous or obscene. (A shame, because we think it would be genuinely funny to get out the old “Fuck The Draft” shirts.) Additionally, teachers will undergo sensitivity training to improve interactions with gay and lesbian students. The training which will prevent us from being subjected to pink glitter has yet to be implemented, though perhaps we’re missing the point. — Carrie Hill Wilner

Next on Judge Judy: Tongue Joy v. Tiggler

You’d think that the manufacturers of vibrators which attach to one’s tongue would be a relatively small, close-knit group that would express some sort of solidarity with each other. With great sadness, we must report that they’re frail, petty and human like the rest of us. To wit: the California-based manufacturer of “The Tiggler” is suing the Austin, Texas, company which developed the “Tongue Joy.” The charge: patent infringement. (For the record, we’d like to state that we support the Tongue Joy camp, if only because one must have a pierced tongue to use the Tiggler, and that’s a little restrictive.) If we were lawyers on this case, it would be fun. We’d go into court with briefcases and sensible pumps and argue intently that Section 45 clearly supports the Tongue Joy’s claim, and we’d object indignantly whenever the Tongue Joy was slandered, and then we’d go home and laugh all night. Apparently, though, to the people who actually make their living through patent law, this isn’t so funny. In fact, at an earlier deposition, police were called when two attorneys on the case got into a fight. Which is actually still really funny, so never mind. — Carrie Hill Wilner

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