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This Week in Sex   
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April 14, 2000



Denial Is a River in Turkey



There’s nothing gay about Turkish oil wrestling. True, it involves big, beefy Turkish men rolling around on a mat in a heated clinch. And sure, the wrestlers slick themselves up with olive oil before the match, all the better to show off their big, beefy bodies. And yeah, the big, beefy, oily
men occasionally stuff their hands into their opponents’ pants — leather pants, natch — in order to achieve a better grip. But that’s strategy, so what? What’s so gay about that?


    

Nothing, perhaps. Nevertheless, a group of homosexuals calling themselves Bears of Turkey is offering a tour to watch the 639th Kirkpinar oil wrestling championships, to be held in July near the northwestern city of Edirne, and the wrestlers are none too happy about it. In an angry statement to the Anatolian news agency, Turkish Traditional Sports Federation Chairman Alper Yazoglu called the group’s tour “immoral,” adding that “we shall pass this matter on to the interior,
foreign and other ministries to ask for this disgusting business to be stopped.” The tour, he meant. Not the wrestling.



Turn-Offs: Chicago Politics



For the celebrated septuagenarian publisher of Playboy magazine, no rarely means no. A proposal to rename a street corner on Chicago’s Magnificent Mile for Hugh Hefner was torpedoed Monday in a City Council committee led by Alderman Carrie Austin, a vocal Playboy detractor. But in Chicago city politics — as in Hef’s bedroom — sometimes the dead shall rise. Just a day later, the proposal’s author, Alderman Burton Natarus, brought the idea to a different committee. This time, Hefner fan Alderman Edward Burke jammed the resolution through, and a few hours later a ceremony was held rechristening the corner of Michigan Avenue and Walton Street as “Hugh Hefner Way.” The street corner is not far from where Hefner launched his soft-porn empire
back in 1953.



Everywhere You Want to Be



Talk about a hangover. Lorraine Armstrong, a fifty-eight-year-old Albuquerque man in the throes of a contentious divorce, spent four drunken nights last June at TD’s Showclub North, a local topless bar. By all accounts, Armstrong had a hell of a good time, buying drinks for his fellow patrons and tipping the staff and dancers well. Really well. When he finally sobered up and had a look at his Diner’s Club bill at the end of the month, he found $27,000 in debt staring back at him. Now, New Mexico’s state attorney general is looking into whether the bar took advantage of Armstrong in his drunken state, which would constitute unfair business practice. “I think it’s fair to say he was completely shocked at the bill,” Armstrong’s attorney, Robert Levy, told the Albuquerque Journal. The club’s lawyer counters that “the witnesses we have all heard him say, ‘My wife is going to divorce me and what I’m spending here is half her money anyway.'” But did she get a lapdance?



Quotes of the Week



“Keep in mind that securing an animal’s consent may be difficult, if not
impossible.”




— Advice on a Columbia University sex education website, given in
response to “Woody,” a reader who asked about bestiality.





“If Rich was a homosexual, then I’m a nun.”




Graham Jenkins, on claims in a new book that his late
brother, Richard Burton, was gay.





“Roses are red, violets are black, your chest is as flat as your back.”




— An unidentified eleven-year-old boy, to a pair of sixth-grade girls
last week on a Mamaroneck, New York, playground. The boy was suspended for
three days for his taunt.





“I don’t mind feeling like a prostitute. Tonight I certainly do. It feels
like a gangbang out there.”




David Duchovny, at the L.A. premiere of his new film,
Return to Me.









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©2000 Dan Reines and Nerve Publishing