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This Week in Sex   
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April 20, 2001

Very Cross Dressers




We don’t know where you went to high school, but where we’re from, everyone had some kind of problem with the jocks. If it wasn’t the math geeks it was band geeks, and if it wasn’t them it was the drama geeks. At some point or another, it seemed like everybody was targeted for a little negative attention from a steroid-ravaged linebacker or two. But the transvestites? Oh, man, the transvestites had it worse than anyone, didn’t they?


    

Alright, so there weren’t a whole lot of trannie kids in our high school, but you get the point: men who dress as or become women have never enjoyed a stellar relationship with the sportos. So we’re thinking that maybe, just maybe, an ugly incident last week in Turkey shouldn’t really come as much of a surprise. According to a Reuters report, these are the details: as the son of Turkey’s sports minister, Fikret Unlu, arrived at his family’s Ankarra home late Saturday night and parked his car, a group of ornery cross-dressers emerged from the shadows and demanded from him fifty million Turkish lira (relax, it’s only forty-two dollars) or else he’d be “shamed in front of his neighbors.” Now, what sort of shame they were referring to isn’t totally clear from the report, though our devious minds can think of all sorts of ways a restless pack of transvestites might bring shame to the son of Turkey’s sports minister. Nevertheless, Unlu apparently scoffed at the demand, at which point the trannies attacked him, throwing beer bottles and rocks at the poor boy and using their cell phones to — dig this — call in transvestite reinforcements before police finally arrived to disperse the group. Two people were arrested, including one transsexual, but no one was seriously injured. Still, one presumes that there are a lot of pointed questions being asked around the Unlu household this week.



Awwww. Wait — Ick!



We all get old. Hey, we’re realistic about this — either we get old or we die young, and we’ll take the former over the latter eight days a week. But there is something about aging we’re not quite ready to deal with yet: old person sex.


    

Now don’t get us wrong. We know it happens, and we don’t have a problem with it, in theory. It’s just, you know. Not something we like to think about. But for old people — or at least for some of them — it’s very much something to think about. And if you’re cooped up in a retirement home, and your significant oldster is not, then things can be tough. With nurses and staff people traipsing in and out of the room at all hours, where can a couple of longevous lovebirds go to get a few minutes of private time? (Apparently, the old scarf-on-the-doorknob trick doesn’t work at the retirement house.) And that’s just the issue that has Julia Burton-Jones, author of a new guide for the British charity Relatives and Residents Association, up in arms. According to the BBC News Online, Burton-Jones has recommended that care homes set aside special rooms in which elderly residents may have sex with their partners. “There is an ageist assumption that older people are no longer interested in intimacy, and this is simply not true,” says Burton-Jones. “The needs of those with partners must be considered carefully. Their privacy and desire for intimate expression of affection and sexuality needs to be protected.” And to that we say, hear hear! It’s just, you know. Not something we’d like to think about any longer, if that’s okay with you.



Shrinkage for the Earth



God bless the true believers. The rest of us run around, absorbed in our
own lives and too busy for any kind of political activity this side of
voting — and half of us don’t even do that. So This Week in Sex
would like to take a moment and salute America’s real heroes —
the watchdogs, the activists, the ever-alert sentrymen. The naked people.


    

Specifically, the naked people out in Missoula, Montana, who this week
stripped down to the bare essentials and streaked through campus in order
to protest plans by the Sterling Mining Company to build a mine near the
nearby Clark Fork River, according to the Montana Kaimin. The six
University of Montana students, who call themselves “Streakers for the
Wilderness,” sprinted from the middle of the campus to a parking lot, where
they piled into three getaway vehicles (you’d think they could ride-share,
wouldn’t you?). Said an impressed Lisa Hunt, a U. of M. senior, “The women
had . . . no support. Sprinting must’ve hurt.” (Hunt apparently wasn’t so
impressed by the men, though: “I felt bad for the guys . . . because it’s cold
outside.”)


    

Unfortunately, not everyone was as wowed by the wilderness streakers.
Heather Duval, director of corporate development for the mining company,
scoffed that “Maybe if we were in the clothing business we’d be affected.”
And then there’s Chris Rose, a local gawker in a “Strip Mining Prevents
Forest Fires” cap. Said Rose, “I don’t care what’s happening. I’m just out
here because my friend told me there would be naked people.” Like we said, God bless the naked people.



Quotes of the Week



“All she could talk about was breast-feeding Dylan, and all I could think about was that it was my turn to be breast-fed.”




— Rocker Tommy Lee writing about the, uh, kinks in his marriage to Pamela Anderson after the birth of their two children, in Rolling Stone.





“We try to figure out creative ways of making love, so we can see them but they can’t see us.”




— Singer Faith Hill, explaining why husband Tim McGraw has it better in their post-child marriage than, say, Tommy Lee, also in Rolling Stone.





“Oh yes, we had sex. But I seem to remember it was rather unsatisfactory.”




Bridget Jones star and Talk magazine cover hunk Hugh Grant to a persistent publicist who insisted the two had met before, according to Talk magazine.


“I am not so easily aroused. For me it takes quite a long time until the first kiss.”






— Actress-singer Jennifer Lopez explaining that while her love may not cost a thing, the price is reflected in the speed of service, in German women’s magazine Journal fuer die Frau.


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©2001 Dan Reines and Nerve.com, Inc.