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This Week in Sex   
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April 27, 2001

Debbie Does Cannes



Out there in the hinterlands, most folks probably don’t give a damn, but right now, Los Angeles is in the middle of a nervous breakdown. The problem? Well, it seems that a couple of impending labor disputes are threatening to shut down the city’s main source of income. With Hollywood’s screenwriters set to go out on strike at the end of May, and the Screen Actors Guild expected to follow suit about a month later, well, all bets are off about what happens next, because let’s face it, eventually, people are going to get tired of watching shows like Who Wants to Play Joey on “Friends”? There is, however, one thing you can bank on if the writers and actors go out on strike: pornography’s about to get a whole lot better.


    

According to a report from the Associated Press, L.A.’s many porn production houses have been inundated in recent weeks by calls from mainstream technicians and B-movie actors scouting for work, “just in case.” Apparently, behind-the-scenes workers ranging from cinematographers and production managers to electricians and line producers have inquired about temporary positions with studios like Sin City Entertainment in Chatsworth and Hustler‘s video wing. Jimmy Flynt, Larry’s nephew and director of marketing and public relations for the magazine, told the news service that “people of very high caliber are interested in finding work” on the roughly six videos a month that the company produces, adding that the non-union pay scale for those movies is far more modest than the Hollywood types are used to. A line producer, for example, who can make from $50,000 to $75,000 for a regular movie, stands to pull down about $2,500 for a three-day porn shoot. Oddly enough, the report made no mention of Hollywood screenwriters heading for the Valley . . .



She’s a Man, Baby!



Good Lord, those French are a progressive bunch, aren’t they? They dismiss their leaders’ extramarital dalliances with an easygoing wink, they make sex symbols of people like Gerard Depardieu and at the end of the day, they laugh it all off with a couple bottles of Bordeaux. And then there’s this Elodie thing. Man, these people are forward-thinking.


    

Elodie, of course, is Elodie Gossuin, a twenty-year-old beauty queen and nursing student who was chosen to represent the French in the Miss Universe competition this week in Puerto Rico. The only hitch is that, according to rampant Internet-spawned rumors, Elodie is an homme — or at least, folks are saying that that’s the way she was born. According to the New York Daily News, organizers of the beauty contest are checking into the rumors, ordering the competition’s wardrobe ladies to pay extra-special attention to Gossuin’s goods. “Our regulations say that all delegates must be natural-born females,” pageant spokeswoman Mary Hilliard McMillan told the newspaper. “If she does turn out to be a man, we’ll put her on the first plane back to France.” Meanwhile, Genevieve de Fontenay, head of the Miss France Committee, angrily denied the rumors, blaming them on — who else? — all those perverts roaming the Web, which she called “an uncontrolled medium where rumor-mongers, pedophiles, prostitutes and criminals could go about their business with impunity.” To which we respond, vive la difference!



The Scarlett N



Well, we certainly hope you appreciate what we do for you every week.


    

Oh, don’t give us that look. Every seven days, This Week in Sex labors to bring you only the most fascinating sex-related trifles, the most provocative, thought-provoking cocktail-party tidbits to keep you looking well-read and debonair all weekend long. And what do we get in return? Grief, that’s what. Grief, and leering winks, and now, apparently, a significantly increased risk to our livelihood. (And a modest but handy stipend, but that’s beside the point.) But for you? We’ll take that risk.


    

To wit: this week, the New York Observer reports that author Daphne Merkin, whose work has been spotted in such upscale publications as the New York Times, the New Yorker and, yes, Nerve.com, has been rejected by a Park Avenue co-op. The rejection “supposedly had something to do with the nature of my writing,” Merkin told the Observer. “‘Sado-masochistic,’ or something like that, came up.” And if that isn’t shameful enough, now we learn that the one and only Suzi Parker, who told Nerve about her experimentation with the supposed aphrodisiac Niagara, had a scheduled appearance on an Arkansas television program cancelled this week because, according to Allen Weatherly, the director of the television station AETN, “I understand she wrote for an adult web site.” Countered Parker in an ArkansasBusiness.com story about the incident, “AETN is hiding behind a seemingly high-minded policy. The reality is they can’t deal with a woman who writes frankly about sex.”


    

If anyone needs us, we’ll be under the bed.



Quotes of the Week



“After all, men never mind a few women coming into the sauna. As soon as the penis goes she is free to go to the women’s sauna.”




— The building superintendent at a Helsinki apartment complex, where residents are up in arms over a transsexual neighbor’s desire to bathe in the women’s sauna, as quoted by Reuters. The woman, who has silicone breasts but has not yet had her penis removed, has been asked to stay with the men until her, uh, membership expires.



“They’re not getting back together again but every now and then, Jerry says she grants him a conjugal visit.”




— An anonymous source on the state of Jerry Hall’s relationship with former husband Mick Jagger, as quoted in the New York Post.


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©2001 Dan Reines and Nerve.com, Inc.