Regulars

This Week in Sex

Pin it

 REGULARS


This Week in Sex   
<last week


May 11, 2001

Heat Wave



They say if you build a better mousetrap, the world will beat a path to your door, and they may well be right about that. But if so, you’d be wise to lock that door. Deadbolt it, even. Because if you ask us, all those people want to do is swipe your damned idea.


    

But this here is This Week in Sex, and we’re not here to talk about mice, we’re here to talk about people. Naked people. Naked news people. So let us explain.


    

You may have heard about nakednews.com, the Canadian website that features women — and now a man as well — reading the day’s news, well, in the buff. The site, by all accounts, is wildly popular, because let’s face it, sex has always been the one thing missing from the nightly news, and like any successful concept, it didn’t take long before this one was purloined. So now, apparently, word out of Scandinavia is that a broadcaster there is doing much the same thing, only this time it’s over the airwaves, and with equally rousing results. According to a Reuters report, a Norwegian broadcasting outlet has begun airing nude weathercasts on its morning show featuring stripping meteorologists, the first of which is model Siv Johannessen. Morning host Michael Reines Oredam (no relation to This Week writer Dan Reines) says the station’s “more weather, less clothes” concept has been an overwhelming success, though Maiken Mangen, editor of porn magazine Lek points out that “it became a little hectic for Siv yesterday when she was supposed to talk about the weather and strip at the same time.” No matter — the audience couldn’t see poor Johannessen anyway. See, the odd thing about this nude weather thing is that the broadcaster is an outlet named Radio Tango, a (duh) radio station. No, really. And it’s got us thinking: If it works for them, what kind of readership would we get if we wrote this column naked . . .


    

Sorry. That was uncalled for.



What Would Brandi Chastain Do?



Here’s the thing about teaching: you have to keep your students interested. Lose their focus, mishandle their attention, and, well, you could be Robin freaking Williams in Dead Poets Society and it wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference — once those kids are gone, they’re gone. So if you ask us, Dana Gibson should have gotten a raise last week. Instead, the forty-three-year-old substitute teacher from Morro Bay, California got canned. Go figure.


    

According to the Associated Press, the story goes like this: Gibson was in the middle of a Spanish class at St. Joseph High School, a private Catholic school in Santa Barbara County, when one of her students complained of boredom. So Gibson did what any quick-thinking teacher would do in a situation like that: she stripped off her shirt and spent the rest of the period teaching in her sports bra. Now, the Good Lord knows that those sports bras don’t reveal a damned thing, but nevertheless, the Archdiocese of Los Angeles rapped Gibson across the knuckles with the Ruler of Unemployment, a move that, oddly, took the teacher completely by surprise. “It didn’t seem like a big deal,” Gibson told the AP. “But maybe something’s totally wrong with me.” Maybe.



Like School on a Saturday



Everyone has their own way of defining class. For instance, when you’re cheating on your lady, classy is renting a suite at a ritzy hotel for the big event. Checking into a no-tell motel? Not so classy. Arranging for a rendezvous in the back seat of your car? Well that’s just sad, really.


    

And then there’s the curious case of Cristinel Coman of Romania. Apparently, Coman didn’t get the memo on basic adultery etiquette, so naturally, he opted for the least classy option: the car. Only, Coman also clearly didn’t get the other memo, the one on basic adultery strategy, because the car he opted for was not his own. That’s right, our little philanderer stole a Romanian-made Dacia — so very unclassy — for his little tete-a-tete because, according to Ananova.com, he simply had nowhere else to go. And let’s face it, even that would have been fine (hey, if the lady’s happy, Coman’s happy), except that the crafty Coman probably could have found a better place to park his hot Dacia. See, the randy Romanian decided to hold his illicit lovefest at the side of the road in front of his own damned house, which naturally drew the attention of his wife, who (naturally) caught him in the act after noticing that there was a car bouncing up and down in front of her house. Coman’s wife turned the thirty-four-year-old in to the police, and now he faces charges of grand theft auto. Gee, ya think his Mrs. Coman’ll be waiting for him when he gets out?



Quotes of the Week



“No doubt, she matches the criteria of a hussy: she is long-legged, erotic and curvy.”




— From an article in the Swiss tabloid Blick decrying a controversial photo spread featuring the wife of Switzerland’s ambassador to Germany. The layout, which appeared in a glossy German magazine, includes revealing shots of thirty-one-year-old Shawne Fielding, originally from Texas. The article’s author is unconfirmed, but we’re pretty sure it was a short-legged woman.





“We’re complete opposites. I’m fat. He’s skinny. He married Kate Hudson. I could make her happy in bed.”




— Blues Traveler frontman John Popper, on his apparent distaste for Black Crowes singer Chris Robinson on The Howard Stern Show.





“Guys grab their crotches and nobody says anything, but if a girl does a shimmy and shows her belly, it’s a huge deal.”




— Belly-barer Britney Spears, sticking up for herself in Glamour.





“What constitutes a nice package, in my opinion? A pretty good size. I’ve been called a ‘size queen’ before. My friends tease me about it . . . It’s about the kickstand.”




Janet Jackson, distinguishing herself from her brother in Blender magazine.


next week>


Did we miss any sex in the news? Send the story to tips@nerve.com.


©2001 Dan Reines and Nerve.com, Inc.