This Week in Sex

Pin it


This Week in Sex   
<last week

May 12, 2000

Science Fiction

Well if you can’t trust a guy holding a bottle of booze and a shoebox full
of ten-spots, who can you trust?


That, no doubt, is the question running through the minds of at least four
Colorado women who were duped recently by Fort Collins resident Anthony
Lasirena. According to, the women responded to an ad Lasirena
placed in two local papers soliciting participants for a study on
“physiological changes in women before and after the G-spot orgasm.” The
forty-five-year-old Lasirena, who paid the women ten dollars each,
allegedly told them that he worked for “Research Associates,” then examined the women’s breasts and genitals, marking various areas of their bodies using a
surgical pen. He then photographed the women before and after they had
achieved orgasm, either through self-stimulation (Lasirena offered alcohol
to loosen them up) or with his assistance. Lasirena was arrested after a
potential subject for the study suspected the project wasn’t legitimate and contacted the police. Well, you can fool some of the people some of the
time . . .

Just Say No to Beaver Puns

Nothing raises the hackles of pornography opponents — both on the far
right and the far left — quite like the spectacle of Playboy
raiding college campuses for models. And let’s face it,
nothing says “moral outrage” quite like topless lesbians.


This week in Corvalis, Oregon, a group of women calling themselves the Lesbian Avengers doffed their shirts to protest the attention given to Oregon State alumna Jodi Ann
Paterson, newly named Playmate of the Year. “Ang Archy,”
“Kandara Monsra,” “Dust Bunny,” and one other woman too shy to make up a
name stood topless in the Memorial Union Quad on the Oregon State campus, handing out flyers to passersby during a Mom’s Weekend
festival. The hand-outs, parodying the headline in the school newspaper
that trumpeted Paterson’s appointment, blared, “OSU Dyke Chosen Beaver of
the Year,” a reference to the school’s industrious mascot.

Hey Kid, Wanna Fill in an Oval?

Eighth-grader Daniel Barnes of Lebec, California, may not be the sharpest
number two pencil in the drawer, but give him this: he remembers the
important stuff. Barnes, who took the SAT-9 achievement test at school last
week, made a mental note of the 555 phone number given in a word problem about warranty information for a boombox. Though everyone
(well, almost everyone) knows that all numbers with the 555 prefix are
supposed to be phony (well, they’re phony on TV), Barnes called the number when he got
home, figuring, Hey, free boombox. What he got, though, was a sexy recording
inviting him to call a different number, which offered phone sex at
ninety-eight cents a minute. As the thirteen-year-old told the
Bakersfield Californian, “I couldn’t really understand them but it
didn’t sound good. It was all like weird and stuff. So I told my mom.”


According to the Californian, the SAT-9 has been administered in its
current form to more than twelve million California students over the past
three years, though apparently no one had bothered to call the number
before this week. One official with the state’s Department of Education
said that while the number could be eliminated from next year’s tests, it’s
too late to change the number this year. Eighth-graders statewide anxiously await test day.

Quotes of the Week

“I need more sex, okay? Before I die, I wanna taste everyone in the

— The newly married Angelina Jolie, as quoted in May’s
British GQ. And no, she’s not talking about you.

” . . . it’s just noise from people who have never met me, or known me, or had
dinner with me or spoken to me.”

Kevin Spacey, not really denying anything.

“If someone is an out-of-the-closet homosexual, he’s not going to be my
running mate, and if someone advocates the homosexual rights agenda
publicly they’re not going to be in my Cabinet. I believe that
homosexuality is a disorder. It’s a wrong orientation.”

— Reform party presidential candidate Pat Buchanan, dashing the
hopes of gay fascists everywhere (and not really ruling out Kevin

next week>

Did we miss any sex in the news? Send the story to

©2000 Dan Reines and Nerve Publishing