May 19, 2000
Mr. Big Stuff
Ringsiders at the Summer Grand Sumo Tournament in Tokyo got more than the normal eyeful this week after wrestler Asanokiri lost a match and a wee bit of pride when his mawashi (you know it as “that thong dealy, ick”) came loose. Apparently, Asanokiri hadn’t properly wrapped the garment, which is comprised of about twenty-five feet of cloth, and his little, uh, topknot came tumbling out of the front pouch in the middle of the contest. Sumo elder Naratu, one of the judges, spotted the little sumo-san swinging and called the match, invoking a never-before-used, eighty-three-year-old rule governing the wrapping of the mawashi. How do you say “My eyes are up here, Very Old One” in Japanese?
Working out is a drag. But working out while naked people shower behind
a glass wall a few yards away? Now we’re onto something.
More specifically, they’re onto something they being the owners
of the Crunch gym in downtown Chicago. Four of the health club’s shower stalls two in the men’s locker room and two in
the women’s are separated from the main exercise floor by no more
than a frosted glass window. According to an article in the Chicago
Sun-Times, the stalls, which see their highest traffic after aerobics
classes (when showers are in high demand), have barely caused a stir, with
most Crunch clients enjoying the view. But not everyone has been turned on
by the sexy silhouette. “I don’t even notice,” said Parrish Moorman, a
thirty-seven-year-old Chicago-area liar. “I just come to work out.”
Boxers or Briefs?
Flashing is not the most dignified fetish around. But one Southern California
flasher has hit upon a way to show off his wares while discreetly guarding his identity, thereby preserving his dignity: he flashes with a pair of underwear over his face.
Yep: about two dozen times in the last six months, the man has stood naked
in front of the street windows of Orange County businesses, according to an
L.A. Times report. Due to the strategically placed pair of
briefs, witnesses to his escapades have been unable to identify him,
leaving County Sheriff’s Department officials with no choice but to ask the
public to be on the lookout for a guy with bootywear on his head. Said Capt. Steve Carroll at a press conference this week, “Most of the women said that if you did a [regular] lineup, they wouldn’t be able to identify the suspect. But they said they might be able to identify him if
he were nude.” And what identifying characteristic would that be?
Quotes of the Week
“I had no trouble kissing Valeria. We had chemistry. And I’ve kissed
Courtney (Thorne-Smith), Jane (Krakowski) and Lucy Liu on Ally
McBeal. It’s more about whether they have bad breath or not.”
Calista Flockhart, boosting Tic Tac sales in the New York
Post. Flockhart plays Valeria Golina’s lesbian lover in the film
Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her.
“The envy of all shows, The Penis Responds is actually twelve short
plays that you’ll wish were a lot longer.”
From a press release for a comedy inspired by The Vagina
“It’s a waste to steep one’s self in the most debased form of human
Binghamton (N.Y.) State University trustee Candace de Russy, on
plans to stock porn films at the campus video store. We think she’s talking