May 1825, 1999
Melon growers in Spain recently received an odd request from Tesco, Britain’s biggest supermarket chain: Grow smaller melons! But it was the explanation for the request that was truly odd. According to company research, female customers subconsciously prefer melons that are smaller than their own breasts. Such melons are more in line with the current vogue for smaller-breasted models. The melon growers have been encouraged to favor the hot-selling 1lb 3oz melon (roughly a C cup) over the 2lb 2oz full-size melon (more like a DD). No word yet on whether size affects banana sales.
Also in Britain, fifty-four-year-old Rod Stewart revealed to the Sun this week that he took a two-month stab at chastity earlier this year. The experiment began in January, following his very public dumping by supermodel Rachel Hunter, his wife of nine years. It ended in March, at the hands of none other than Kimberly Conrad, the estranged wife of Hugh Hefner, with whom Stewart professes to be “deeply in like.”
In Los Angeles, a museum guide was recently dismissed for allegedly allowing her explanation of the Edward Kienholz art piece “Back Seat Dodge ’38” to stray beyond art interpretation and into sexual education. The work includes a real Dodge with a life-size man and woman in the back seat, surrounded by beer bottles. The dismissed guide told the Associated Press this week that she assumed her job was to explain the work, including the artist’s apparent suggestion that too often first sexual experiences are empty and meaningless, when they could be beautiful and special. But for the teachers leading a field trip of ten-year-old girls from a farming town 150 miles outside of Los Angeles, the message was shocking and inappropriate. When reached for comment, the ten-year-olds would only giggle.
Meanwhile, the Japanese parliament this week passed legislation outlawing both child pornography and sex with anyone seventeen or younger. Previously the law only prohibited sex for money with anyone thirteen or younger, and only if the victim filed a criminal complaint. The new law is scheduled to take effect sometime in the fall. No word on what protection is supposed to carry minors safely through the summer.
And finally, the quote of the week comes from Maggie Paley, author of a soon-to-be-published book about penises, who told the New York Post, “I can see [the penis] brings anguish as well as power and joy. Penises are status symbols for men the way faces are for women.” All that, and a handy semen dispenser, too.
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Leif Ueland and Nerve.com