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June 1, 2001

The Kids Are Alright



With the world going to hell in a handbasket and everybody whining (as usual) about all the punk kids and weeping (as usual) for the future, we figured now was as good a time as any to point out that, actually, the kids of Generation Y (or Z, or whatever they are this week) are doing just fine, thank you very much. Matter of fact, it would seem that they’re dealing with this life a hell of a lot better than their parents are.


    

Case in point: out in Boulder, Colorado, this week, a group of students held a gay “kiss-in” to protest the decision by the Boulder High School yearbook advisor to exclude a photo of two girls smooching from this year’s book. According to the Boulder Daily Camera, teacher Ruth Palmer decided that unless the photographer secured permission from the two girls’ parents, the photo wouldn’t run — something about concerns that the parents might not know of the girls’ sexual orientation, and maybe the yearbook isn’t the place to find out. Fair enough, but Palmer didn’t see fit to edit out the several photos of straight couples kissing, a hypocrisy that wasn’t lost on about two dozen of the school’s students, who gathered on a bridge at the south end of campus and kissed — boys kissing boys and girls kissing girls — as about 150 of their fellow students cheered them on. “The whole point of this demonstration is to show that students won’t tolerate narrow-mindedness,” said seventeen-year-old Caitlin Rucker, a student at nearby Fairview High who joined the protest. “It may not be my school but it is the point they are trying to make, and I support that point.”


    

Meanwhile, an even starker example of youth gone right emerged this week when Tampa’s Lissette Stanley, the senior class president at Blake High School, sparked a small firestorm by — scandal! — handing out condoms to her classmates on prom night. According to the Tampa Tribune, Stanley put a condom next to the photo albums and picture frames in every gift bag handed out at the dance, figuring, hey, someone’s gonna get busy, and they may as well be protected, right? “I thought if they had the condoms in their bags, at least they’d have safe sex,” Stanley said. “I thought I was doing a good thing.” And so do we — but the school’s administrators didn’t quite see it that way. Principal David Best, reacting with the kind of sophisticated aplomb that marks all great bureaucrats, immediately locked the doors of the Marriott ballroom and refused to let the kids leave until the teachers collected all the condoms. “It created hysteria,” said Best, apparently unable to see his own role in the hysteria. “There were people pushing and shoving and trying to get out; they were hiding the condoms. We did the best we could but were not able to get all of them.” Stanley has been stripped of her class presidency and will not be allowed to deliver the speech she had planned for graduation. That’ll learn her.



Model Behavior



It may be the Greatest Story Ever Told, but even the Good Book isn’t so great that it couldn’t use a little spicing up for the twenty-first century. At least, that’s the thinking of one Gustaf-Wilhelm Helstedt, a Swedish entrepreneur who, along with a trio of partners, plans to publish a new Illuminated Bible featuring top models photographed by leading fashion photographers. According to London’s Telegraph, Hellstedt and Co.’s new edition, which will retain the traditional King James text, will be released in a magazine format and will feature photographs by, among others, Paolo Roversi, whose regular subjects include Claudia Schiffer and Madonna. “Forget those old sketches in the Bible,” Hellstedt told the Telegraph. “Instead of a boring drawing of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we may well have a couple walking down a New York street, kissing.” And according to the report, that Adam and Eve are expected to be uber-beauties Markus Schenkenberg and Schiffer herself, who will reportedly be paid upwards of fifteen thousand dollars per day for her Christian acts.


    

“It sounds like a gimmick that is entirely unnecessary,” said David Phillips, the general secretary of the Church Society, which promotes Christianity with the Church of England. “The power of God’s salvation is in the gospel, not in the images.” Perhaps. But that all depends on just how angelic those images turn out to be. Says Hellstedt, “There will be some nudity, because the Bible is very sensual and we are going to exploit that.” And if you’re real quiet and cock your head to the wind, you can hear Jerry Falwell having heart failure.



Quotes of the Week



“There’s the buildup, and then you hear your music, with thousands of people fueling your intensity, fantastic, amazing. But there’s nothing better than pie.”


The Rock, comparing wrestling with sex in Rolling Stone.



“I still want to wait until I get married, although it’s getting harder and harder.”


— Celebrated virgin Britney Spears in US Weekly. No doubt Justin Timberlake can relate.



“I’m basically a slut, but I’m also really really shy. I’m a real prude, but once the prudishness is gone, I’ll have sex with twenty guys.”


— Torch-song troubadour Rufus Wainwright, getting confessional in Nerve magazine. Er, the paper edition.



“It’s a lot of money. I have to pay for it. I’m too old to have it on the National Health System. It also depends on whether it is wise for me, at my age, to have the procedure.”


Thane Bettany, seventy-one-year-old step-uncle of British Royal Sophie Rhys-Jones, giving London’s Daily Mail an inside peek at his dilemma over whether to have a sex change operation.


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©2001 Dan Reines and Nerve.com, Inc.