Regulars

This Week in Sex

Pin it

 REGULARS
Weekend Review
Chicks’ Magnets

The twenty-first century is, quite simply, a marvelous time to be alive. Forget about the anthrax, the dirty bombs and the prospect of another season of The Bachelor, and have a nice long think about all the recent technological advances that have changed our lives. We have Zippo-sized cell phones (replete with service providers to complain about), a world wide web of information at our fingertips and electronic personal organizers with which we can animatedly record parties we haven’t the slightest inclination to attend. But in a world where only twenty-five percent of people possess these fin-de-siecle gizmos, where are the life-improving innovations that everyone can enjoy? God bless the techno-wary French for ensuring that the methods of harnessing breasts don’t go the way of Andrew Dice Clay and the laserdisc. Paris-based firm Bolero has developed a new bra-fastening mechanism consisting of a magnet, which will replace the tricky, traditional hook-and-eye clasp. A Bolero survey showed that Frenchmen felt a loss of virility if they stumbled while performing l’art du decrochage. When asked for her opinion on the latest advances in brassiere design, a twenty-two-year-old Parisian women offered, “There will no longer be the desire that comes with patience. The gift wrapping is too easily undone. Sometimes it’s fun to see a man panic over a bra.” Sadist. While Bolero have promised that the bra will hit the stores in the fall, This Week in Sex is hoping that the new idea isn’t just pie in the sky. We’re still waiting for that rubber car that makes parking so easy.

Block-busted

Ever written anything unflattering, risqué or downright nasty in an e-mail and then inadvertently sent it to the wrong person? If so, you’ll be familiar with the range of emotions one endures immediately after hitting the ‘send’ button: the shocked, sweaty, sinking feeling, the denial, then guilt and, lastly, the scrambling to see if and how you could pass it off as an intentional joke. But a misdirected memo that identifies your supervisor as a condescending heifer is child’s play in comparison to the snafu made by a middle-aged perv from the Great Lakes State. The forty-five-year-old man, who police say accidentally left a videotape in a rented VCR he returned, was right in asking an employee to retrieve the tape because it could get him into “deep trouble.” Police said the tape shows several hidden-camera shots of young women using the bathroom. Other shots show young females at area swimming pools. The Peeping Tom, whose given name is Wayne Stoner, was arraigned on eight felony charges of illegal use of a minor. Perhaps the curiously named Stoner had indeed indulged before figuratively shooting himself in the foot.

She’s a Knockout

Often the most cunning and effective traps are the most simple. To catch a mouse, one puts a piece of what mice like best on a trap and waits for a spring-loaded bit of metal to snap their cheese-fiending little necks. In a story that’s as much Benny Hill as James Bond, a Thai man was robbed last week after sucking two women’s nipples, which were smeared with potent, sleep-inducing chemicals. A Bangkok newspaper says the femmes fatale approached the twenty-seven-year-old opportunist at a bus stop and asked him if he wanted to go back to their room. Nontakorn Pearsontea told police that, after he pinched himself to make sure it wasn’t all a dream, the women took off their tops and asked him to suck their nipples. The lucky Thai agreed — and the next thing he knew, he woke up alone with his cash, jewelry, and cell phone gone. The dozy nip nibbler was left with an urge to repeatedly slap himself in the forehead while saying “Stupid!” through clenched teeth. What a sucker.

SputNip

The Whopper Theory: Sometimes people are more inclined to believe a yarn that’s so ridiculous that it just has to be true. I once told a friend that red-haired people not only have an extra four bones in each hand but are unable to swim and smell faintly of sour milk. She believed it and started perpetuating the myth around suburban New Hampshire. Plumbing new depths of gullibility, four Portuguese women have contacted police after being persuaded to stand topless in their windows or balconies so that a satellite could give them a mammogram. The women, aged between nineteen and forty-five and living in the southern region of Algarve, were individually contacted by telephone by a woman claiming to be a doctor. She told them that a revolutionary method had been developed of conducting breast examinations by satellite. They were told that the consultation would be free if they followed instructions by stripping to the waist and standing in view of the satellite. One woman was so trusting that she took off all her clothes for the “examination.” The women were later telephoned with the “results,” when the woman claiming to be a doctor told them of her sexual desires in graphic detail. Turns out men don’t have a monopoly on being underhanded in order to get a glimpse of boobies.

last week

  |  next week