August 31, 2001
It’s Transportation Week here at Nerve, so we’ve travelled the globe searching for locomotion-related news just for you. Unfortunately, pickins were a bit slim, so we’ve thrown a couple of oldies-but-goodies into this week’s mix. But really, does this kind of news ever get old?
Planes . . .
The sense of imminent danger has always been half the appeal of the mile-high club (the other half being, you know, the sex). But if a little danger is sexy, doesn’t it stand to reason that a lot of danger is even sexier? And jeez, just imagine how sexy a plane crash would be . . .
Maybe that’s what was going through the minds of the elderly Cuban couple who hired Florida pilot Thomas Hayashi to fly them through the friendly skies in his Piper Cherokee not too long ago. Hayashi, who according to a Miami Herald report co-owns a Key West tour company that specializes in mile-high club trysts (their motto? “Love is in the air!”), says he was hired by the sixtysomething couple to ferry them through a forty-minute high-altitude adventure in amor (about two-hundred dollars), but the real adventure wasn’t quite what he expected. According to the report, “Juan” and “Rosa” the names they gave him produced a knife shortly into the flight and demanded to be flown to Cuba. Thing is, they also shut off Hayashi’s avionics, making the trip a tough one a struggle ensued, during which the plane’s throttle snapped off, which is never a good sign. According to investigators, Hayashi made an emergency water landing and escaped the plane when the door opened on impact; Juan and Rosa, apparently, weren’t so lucky, and are believed to be trapped in the wreckage some 3,600 feet below the water’s surface, about forty miles south of Key West. It wasn’t clear from initial reports whether the couple actually did go down with a bang.
Japan has long enjoyed a worldwide reputation as a nation of polite people, a culture so honor-bound that many Japanese would sooner commit suicide than shame their families with a corruption scandal or even the loss of a job. So it’s perhaps a touch surprising to find out that Japan’s somewhat extreme sense of decency doesn’t extend to its rail lines.
According to a recent Reuters report, the blatant and unrepentant groping of female passengers has led one Tokyo-area railway company to institute “female-only” carriages during weekend night hours. Seems the company received some 351 complaints about groping during the fiscal year that ended last March and they’re assuming that the number of complaints represents just a fraction of the actual number of incidents (probably not a bad guess). So now, when drunken revelers crowd the trains on their way back from weekend parties, the Keio Electric Railway Co. provides safe zones for its female passengers.
. . . and Automobiles
Everyone can pretty much agree on what constitutes class. For instance, classy is renting a suite at a ritzy hotel for night of romance. Slightly less classy is when said night of romance is spent with someone other than your significant other. Checking into a no-tell motel? Not so classy. And arranging for a rendezvous in the back seat of your car? Well that’s just sad, really.
And then there’s the curious case of Cristinel Coman of Romania. Apparently, Coman didn’t get the memo on basic adultery etiquette, so naturally, he opted for the least classy option: the car. Only, Coman also clearly didn’t get the other memo, the one on basic adultery strategy, because the car he opted for was not his own. That’s right, our little philanderer stole a Romanian-made Dacia so very unclassy for his little tete-a-tete because, according to Ananova.com, he simply had nowhere else to go. But wait, it gets even unclassier! See, the randy Romanian decided to hold his illicit lovefest at the side of the road in front of his own damned house, which naturally riled up the wife, who naturally caught him in the act after noticing that there was a car bouncing up and down in front of her house. Mrs. Coman turned the thirty-four-year-old philanderer in to the police, and now he faces charges of grand theft auto. Gee, ya think the wife’ll be waiting for him when he gets out?
Oh Yeah, and Horses, Too!
So, uh, Madonna’s in the news this week. A lot.
First, you know, there’s that whole tour thing, the Drowned World extravaganza that’s sweeping the nation (or at least, those in the nation that can afford $250 a pop to see her live). And there’s the HBO special of the Drowned World tour, which costs considerably less than a concert ticket and comes with The Sopranos. And now there’s Madonna Condoms, a product of New Yorkbased sex shop CondoMania. According to E! Online, Adam Glickman, the founder and president of CondoMania, purchased nude images of the singer taken during a 1979 modeling session and has placed them on a package of prophylactics “They are super strong and ultra sheer,” Glickman says of his newest product line. “Strong and sexy, just like Madonna!” And while you’d expect the Material Girl to object, her reasoning may be a little surprising the forty-two-year-old Catholic mother of two is reportedly upset that her image is being used to promote birth control. Uh-huh.
But wait, we promised horses, didn’t we? Well, meet Beverly King, a Naples, Florida, woman and a fairly devoted Madonna fan. King, who told the Naples Daily News that she wanted to do something outrageous to win Drowned World tickets from radio station WXKB, reportedly mounted her horse Cinnamon in nothing but pasties and a G-string and rode through the town’s San Carlos Park, where a ticket contest was being held. Unfortunately for Beverly, the G-string came untied just as she trotted past the Beef O’Brady’s eatery, and she was arrested for exposure of sexual organs. Now, even though she won a pair of tickets to Madonna’s Fort Lauderdale show, she could face a year in jail and up to one thousand dollars in fines if convicted (much more costly than $250 a pop). Still though. Riding bareback? Madonna would be so proud.
“When you come out of a relationship, it hurts. But your life gotta go on. So, you make an album, put out a movie, make some clothes, have some parties, go to the Grand Prix you do certain shit, keep it movin’.”
“I walk around my house naked, so I’m not very modest or whatever. I think the body’s a beautiful thing, and you should not hide yourself.”
Self-described virgin-’til-marriage Britney Spears, who lives in the Hollywood Hills with boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, as quoted in Rolling Stone.
“This town is full of philanderers. It’s a wife-stealing community. These men target women who are left alone while their husbands like me are out trying to earn a decent living. No marriage is safe while they are on the prowl.”
Aggrieved Welshman Stephen Gammond, who strapped himself to his chimney in protest against the kind of philandering lads who stole not one but two consecutive wives from him, as reported in The Mirror.
Did we miss any sex in the news? Send the story to email@example.com.