This Week in Sex

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This Week in Sex   
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September 15, 2000

Day Tripper

The Italian supreme court this week upheld the conviction of
one “Alberta S.” on charges of abandoning her marital home for “the merely
selfish purpose of cultivating a different sentimental relationship.”

But, according to the court, Alberta’s crime wasn’t the actual affair the
thirty-one-year-old had with a co-worker of hers — as they put it,
“abstention from sexual contacts with other people is not one of the
obligations of belonging to a family.” No, the real infraction was that she ran off with her lover for a weekend holiday, thus disrupting her
homelife. Alberta’s suspicious husband, “Giuseppe C.,” had her followed and
discovered her treason, and now she has to pay his legal costs along with
several million lire (several hundred dollars) in damages to compensate for
Giuseppe’s “wounded honor.” Summing up the case, the Italian newspaper La
explained that “cheating is all right, but in moderation. Or
rather, it is all right to be unfaithful to your husband for a few hours,
but in the evening you must return to the conjugal roof.”


And in related news, President Clinton has reportedly applied for Italian
citizenship. (Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week. Be sure to tip your
waitresses . . . )

Your Move, Vermont

Know how you can tell that the Dutch legislature is a progressive bunch of
cats? It isn’t simply the fact that they enacted a bill converting the
country’s “registered same-sex partnerships” into full-fledged marriages,
or that the bill also allows gay couples to adopt Dutch children and
divorce through the legal system, just like heterosexual couples. No, what
makes them really cool is the way the lawmakers pounded on their
desks in approval after passing the bill by a whopping 107-33 margin.
The Netherlands isn’t the first country to explicitly legalize gay marriage — Denmark did it back in 1989 — but the Dutch law goes further than any other country toward
creating full equality for its gay citizens. Said Boris Dittrich, a member
of the centrist Democrats 66 party and one of the plan’s proponents, the
law “acknowledges that a person’s sex is not of importance for marriage.”
The law is expected to take effect early next year.

Tour of Booty

There are those who say that the Tour de France is the most grueling
sporting event in the world, a three-week, 2,600-mile test of strength and
endurance, and they may have a point. Still, we’d like to see just how well
two-time champion Lance Armstrong would fare if the course were sprinkled
with some sort of obstacle. Nothing dangerous, mind you — just
something a little distracting. Something like, say, a couple hundred
barely dressed Spanish prostitutes. Not so easy now, is it, Lance?


According to a report in the Spanish newspaper El Pais, that’s
exactly the kind of obstacle riders in this year’s Tour de Spain can
expect. The race concludes this Sunday with a 38-kilometer
individual time trial around Madrid, including a circuit around Casa de
Campo, the city’s largest park and the central gathering place for several
hundred of the city’s sex workers. Said a spokesman from Unipublic, the
organizers of the Tour, “Seeing prostitutes along the length of the route
isn’t exactly showing the best side of Madrid, especially if they aren’t
wearing many clothes.” But a spokesman for the city got to the heart of the
matter: “[The prostitutes] could upset the concentration of the


But there’s nothing to worry about, assures one of the prostitutes in question, since “there aren’t many clients” at the park
during daylight hours.

Quote of the Week

“My God, all you have [in England] is a bunch of naked people in newspapers here!
I’m having my cup of coffee and I’m opening a newspaper and . . . uh! I mean,
tits are everywhere here!”

Madonna, calling the kettle black, in The Face.

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©2000 Dan Reines and, Inc.