September 1117, 1999
Here’s Something You Don’t See . . . Ever
Ara Tripp, 38, is a construction worker in Washington state totally common. She’s also a female construction worker (less common). And, oh yeah, she’s a transsexual (maybe now you’re raising an eyebrow). But last week, in her hometown of Olympia, Tripp decided she’d had enough of being your run-of-the-mill transsexual construction worker.
On Tuesday morning at 7:30, Tripp, in an apparent protest against the law prohibiting public female toplessness, climbed a 150-foot high-voltage electrical tower overlooking Interstate Five. She proceeded to make a public spectacle of herself literally by gyrating on the tower, snapping her fingers and occasionally issuing giant fireballs from her mouth using a flammable liquid and a lighter. Oh, and did we mention she was topless? The rush hour traffic, needless to say, slowed considerably.
Tripp ignored fire department pleas for about an hour before climbing down from the tower without the use of a ladder to be arrested by police. She was jailed for trespassing and, of course, indecent exposure. Tripp wasn’t the only victim: the tower carried deadly 120,000-volt transmission lines, so the power company was forced to shut off service to the surrounding area, cutting off the Today Show and leaving five thousand locals with nothing to watch. Well, almost nothing.
God Bless America
Does anyone else remember when one sex scandal was enough to last a girl a lifetime? Word this week out of Vegas is that Gennifer Flowers she of the decade-plus affair with then-Arkansas Governor Bill Clinton has wearied of her own notoriety. She has now decided to cash in on Bubba’s more celebrated liaison: the one with that woman, Monica Lewinsky. According to a New York Post report, Flowers is about to come out with a line of “top quality” cigars for sale through her website (www.genniferflowers.com). But unlike the President, the sometime lounge singer ain’t stopping with the stogies. Said Flowers’ assistant Judy Stell: “We’re looking at signature lingerie maybe a blue negligee with a ‘don’t wash’ label.” Scandalous!
Penalties for Early Withdrawal?
A couple in Villahermosa, southern Mexico, was arrested Monday after police found them making love in a glassed-in ATM. Apparently the man had been withdrawing money to take the woman, a prostitute, to a local hotel, but they never made it that far. (Might we suggest the drive-thru ATM next time?) The woman told the judge, “It was not my intention. I was drunk. I let myself go.” Said beat officer Braulio Triano, who busted the couple for engaging in a lewd act in public, “We found them doing ‘that.’ I couldn’t believe it.”
Cops can be such prudes.
Achtung! Police in Goettingen, Germany, are on the lookout for an unusually aggressive voyeur. According to reports, the unidentified young woman has been running around town threatening people with a gun and ordering them to have sex with each other. In one incident, the woman allegedly held a couple at gunpoint in a parking lot (talk about pressure!). But when the female victim cried foul she was pregnant at the time the assailant fled. On another occasion, the woman forced a male student to drop his drawers in public, then she grabbed his testicles. The police are calling it “a unique case of psychosis.” Like we said, cops can be such prudes.
“Every so often when I’m dribbling down the court, the ball bounces up and gets caught in my vagina.”
“I said, ‘He’s not blowing me. He’s just going out of frame.’ I don’t know what’s on their minds.”