This Week in Sex

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This Week in Sex   
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September 22, 2000

Thong Song

Who says activism is dead? Two hundred years after Patrick Henry put his
ass on the line with the declaration, “Give me liberty or give me death,”
the girls of Salinas High School have done essentially the same thing,
though adding a third option to Henry’s menu: “We wear thongs!”
While it may not have the same historical ring as “Give me liberty,” there’s no
question that it ranks among the most rousing rallying cries of this


About twenty students picketed outside the Northern
California school this week, chanting proudly for the inalienable right to
wear uncomfortable underpants. According to the San Jose Mercury
the girls paced back and forth holding signs that said, among
other things, “Pay attention to our minds, not our panties!” Remarkably
enough, the protesters might end up getting their wish — or, more
accurately, they may already have it. The school’s assistant
principal, Jenny Hirst, told the Mercury News that while school
policy does ban clothing that “causes disruption or undue attention,” the
rumor that thongs are explicitly banned is, in fact, only a rumor. God
bless America.

Strange Fortunes

Rule of thumb for restaurateurs: if a cop asks you to help out with a
police fundraiser, it’s a good idea to say yes. Corollary: if the police
fundraiser is a brothel to be installed in the back room of your
restaurant, it may not be such a good idea.


Alas, for one poor fellow in China, that advice comes just a little bit
late. According to a Reuters report, an unnamed restaurant owner in the
eastern Chinese province of Jiangsu was approached last year by local
deputy police chief Gao Mingliang, who wanted to use the eatery for an
ongoing sting operation. The deal was this: prostitutes would entice
customers into the back rooms, after which police would raid the rooms and
collect fines from the johns. The scheme netted the cops close to $10,000
over a span of four months, but unfortunately it all unraveled when a
neighboring police department busted the operation and arrested the
restaurant owner for running a brothel. With no help forthcoming from Gao,
the man was sentenced to a year in a labor camp. That’ll learn him.

Come All Ye Faithful

The picture on the screen showed twenty cardinals and other assorted clergy
celebrating the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross. The audio track
contained frequent and passionate references to our Father who art in
heaven. So what was it that made last week’s religious broadcast, sent out
to millions of Catholics throughout Europe, so very, very unholy?


Perhaps it was the fact that the soundtrack of the program, which was
produced by the Italian company RAI, was accidentally swapped out and
replaced by the sound from Stacy and the Hunt, an adult movie being
concurrently broadcast on the pornographic Fantasy Channel. And while “Oh
God! Oh God!” could reasonably be considered an appropriate religious
incantation, apparently the mix-up caused quite a bit of embarrassment for
the satellite television company in Luxembourg responsible for the mistake. Said a spokesman for the Catholic Church in England to the
Times of London, “It sounded like a very unfortunate mistake.”
Equally unfortunate was the program Fantasy Channel viewers received: the
video for Stacy accompanied by the audio from the Vatican festival.
Which, you’ll agree, must have been something of a buzzkill.

Quotes of the Week

“I know my boobs have gotten me hired before, but never fired.”

Eva Hoffman, who was allegedly fired from Nicole Farhi’s New
York store because she was too busty to wear one of the designer’s $300

“You’re not thinking, ‘Oh, this is just like the time we really did kiss each other.’ It doesn’t work that way. Stuff that’s directly out of your real life just wouldn’t work in the movie. It’s hard to just kind of throw in, ‘Hey, you be the parole officer, and I’ll be the convict.'”

Ben Affleck, on filming sex scenes with ex Gwyneth Paltrow, in Talk magazine.

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©2000 Dan Reines and, Inc.