September 1824, 1999
For nearly a year now, the Disney-owned Go network has been telling anyone who’ll listen that it’s the kid-friendliest place on the Net. But not this kid-friendly.
Late last week, L.A. County sheriffs, in conjunction with the FBI, arrested Patrick Naughton, a 34-year-old executive vice president at Go and its subsidiary, Infoseek, on Santa Monica Pier in west Los Angeles. According to the FBI report, Naughton was at the pier to meet a 13-year-old girl he’d been chatting with online for months. The two were planning a playful afternoon in which they’d “kiss, make out and play and stuff” and “lick and suck,” according to the report. The catch was, the girl turned out to be a fed an adult, male fed. Those G-men can be so tricky.
Naughton, an industry whiz kid who was one of the architects of the Java programming language in the late 80s and early 90s, has been charged with going online to solicit sex with a minor and crossing state lines for said same purpose. He’s also lost his job at Go, where he was responsible for content and technology. And worse yet, the FBI confiscated his laptop. How’s he going to stay in touch with the youth of America?
Livin’ La Vida Fishbowl
Ricky Martin is an international singing star. He can salsa with the best of them, he’s got a smile that could knock down buildings and he’s got gorgeous women lunging at him from all directions. Really now, what are the odds that such a spicy hunk could be . . . (please, let’s whisper) gay?
Actually? The exact odds? Six-to-one. At least, that’s what they’re saying down at NASA sports book operating online from Costa Rica, of course and they’re willing to put their money where Ricky Suave’s mouth is (or has been). If you wager wisely, and the Puerto Rican post-Menudan singer publicly declares himself homosexual by the end of 1999, you could have a nice little nest egg.
Not Tonight, Babe
Lord knows it’s no fun being mounted from the rear by a 550-pound breeding boar. But when you’ve got a sunburned backside? Forget it. That’s the thinking behind a Danish plan to start using sunscreen on sows next summer. Since the pigs spend most of their time out in the hot Danish sun, they’re bound to get a bit pink around the edges and Danish pig farmers fear this will become the porcine equivalent of a bedtime headache. Pharmacia-Upjohn has developed a sunblock specifically for farm animals, with a sun protection factor of eight. Next hurdle for the pig producers: training the boars to rub the lotion on their sows.
The British Are Coming! The British Are Coming!
It’s been years since American kids gave up the top spot in the world in the three R’s. Now they’ve given up a fourth: randiness. So says a new survey from a British condom maker, which suggests that American youth (ages 16 to 21) have sex on average 128 times a year. Not bad, you say but not good enough. Because according to the same survey, the youth of Britain are shagging each other rotten: 133 times a year on average, tops in the world. (Quite a feat for the queen’s young subjects, who have never been known as great lovers. Did we mention the survey was conducted by a British condom maker?)
Of course, Americans aren’t the only ones getting the shaft, as it were, by this ongoing British Invasion. The youth of France are making love with the French, it’s never just sex on average just 99 times a year. They’re also not enjoying their first go-round, if the survey is to be believed some 40 percent expressed disappointment in their first sexual encounter. So which country is bringing up the rear in the Great Sex Race? Try Singapore, whose distracted youngsters can only find time for an average of 63 sexual encounters a year.
Quotes of the Week
“They wouldn’t touch a man’s penis, would they?”
A devastated Diana Ross, after being frisked by a female security officer in London’s Heathrow Airport. Ross allegedly attacked the officer when she brushed up against the singer’s breast.
“Melissa’s very proud of her butt. She’ll sit there and talk about it for an hour how she likes her ass.”
Actress Lindsay Sloane, on friend and “Sabrina the
Teenage Witch” star Melissa Joan Hart, in Bikini magazine.
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