September 29, 2000
Love Is Blindness
Blind folks can’t drive, can’t watch the sun set over the ocean and can’t really appreciate Charlie Chaplin. But if Kenneth McGrath, the director of the Pussycats lapdancing club in East Sussex, England, gets his way, they will be able to enjoy strip bars in a way that sighted club patrons can only dream about.
According to the London Telegraph, McGrath has applied to a local
council for a variance to the club’s license to make concessions for his
sightless customers. The current license contains a strict no-touching
clause, thus rendering the show a tad less exciting for those who can’t
actually see the dancing girls. McGrath’s solution? Let the blind customers
engage in “controlled touching” the girls would hold the customer’s
hands, placing them on their breasts while they dance. A spokesman for the
local council said they’d “consider” the variance. And before
you run out and buy a pair of tea shades and a white cane, know this:
the amendment would only apply to registered blind people.
Oh, This’ll Help
There’s a whole lot of election-year hot air drifting off the campaign
trail, and anyone who’s been following Who2K knows that it’s starting to
drive a nasty little wedge between the Democrats and normally chummy
Hollywood. But Al Gore needn’t worry: at least some of his
entertainment industry pals are still behind him. Unfortunately for
Al, it’s the adult entertainment industry.
According to a Reuters report, a key speaker at the IA2000 adult website
convention last weekend called for adult webmasters to throw all their
support behind the Gore-Lieberman ticket. Said First Amendment attorney
Paul Cambria, “I urge you to use all the powers that you have because this
is the first election where the Web can make a vast difference.” Cambria
cited a more tolerant attitude to the adult industry under President
Clinton than during the previous administrations, as well as clear signals
from the Gore camp that the government shouldn’t control the content of
speech, only the access to that expression by kids. He didn’t mention the
kiss, but we’re thinking that, too, played a part.
Say, Nice Wheels
As far as we’re concerned, there’s two kinds of dumb. There’s regular dumb,
like when you lock your keys in your idling car. And then there’s
special dumb. It’s safe to say that Ion of Romania falls squarely in
the latter category.
Seems Ion (as he was identified on Ananova.com) had to be rushed to the
hospital this week by a buddy, ostensibly because he was suffering severe
“stomach cramps” at least, that’s what he told his buddy. But once
under a doctor’s care, the man reportedly underwent a three-hour operation in
which a surgeon sliced open his penis and drained it of blood in order to
remove a wheel bearing from the shaft. You’re thinking, “Yow, Ion, must’ve
been one hell of an of accident!” Unfortunately, no according to the
report, the forty-three-year-old Romanian attached himself to the bearing on
purpose and kept it there for three days, in hopes of winning a “biggest
penis” contest with his pals at a local pub. The doctor said he would have preferred to simply cut through the bearing (rather than slice up the bearer
of the bearing) but it came “from the wheel of a crane and was toughened
steel,” making such a procedure impossible. He added that Ion should regain
normal sexual function after three months’ rest.
Quotes of the Week
“Judging by the demand, the medal tally is certainly rising both in and out
of the sporting arena.”
Spokesman Burton Van Rooyen of Ansell, the official supplier
of condoms for the Olympic Games, noting that the company has distributed
80,000 free condoms in the Olympic Village.
“Sometimes it’s like, ‘Listen, sweetheart, you don’t have to reinvent sex
to please me, and the majority of that stuff you’re doing just hurts, so
back the fuck off.'”
Ladykiller and sitcom star Charlie Sheen, on the downside of
sex with porn stars, in Maxim.