September 25October 1, 1999
His and Hers or . . . Hers and His?
How do you know when you’ve found that special someone? Well, sometimes you just know. Take for instance one Hungarian couple, a husband and wife hailing from the western city of Szekesfehervar. Word from the local media suggests that the pair has some heavy stuff in common. No, really. Some seriously deep stuff. Confused? So were they. But not anymore.
Okay, the details are sketchy the couple won’t disclose their names and they refuse to give interviews but here’s what we know: the Hungarian husband is a woman trapped in a man’s body, and his wife is a man trapped in a woman’s body. Either that, or she’s one hell of a good sport, because the lovebirds plan to trade places. For real. According to Kossuth Radio, the couple will undergo simultaneous sex change procedures at their local hospital. Predictably, the news has captivated the local press; last week, the duo had to be smuggled out of the hospital to avoid unwanted interviews after a simple pre-op appointment.
Hey, we don’t think so, but Archie Comics publisher Michael Silberkleit sure does. Silberkleit, whose company owns the Sabrina character, is none too happy about Sabrina star Melissa Joan Hart’s recent cover stories in a pair of men’s mags. He has fired off a letter to the fabulously old and wealthy Sumner Redstone chairman of Viacom, which produces the show demanding she shape up or fly away.
So what’s Hart done to stir up so much toil and trouble? Well, in separate interviews in Maxim and Bikini, the 23-year-old actress talked about her sex life (she has one) and detailed her favorite Sabrina drinking game (“whenever the cat talks, take a shot”). But it’s not what she’s saying that’s got Silberkleit’s cauldron bubbling as much as what she’s wearing which is to say, very little. Hart’s cover photos feature her in a bikini (for Bikini) and a towel and not much more for Maxim, which employs the cover tag, “Sabrina: Your Favorite Witch Without a Stitch.” Says Hart’s Archie enemy, who thinks the star is damaging the character’s image, “I have been personally embarrassed by Melissa’s interview and posing practically nude in Maxim.” No reaction yet from Hart’s camp.
The high-tech industry is notorious for its pack mentality, but this is ridiculous. One week after former Go Network executive Patrick Naughton was arrested on charges that he seduced a 13-year-old girl online and crossed state lines to have sex with her, another high-tech exec was arrested for attempting to have sex with a 13-year-old. Michael David Rostoker, the 41-year-old CEO of Microelectronics Research of San Jose, allegedly paid a Vietnamese family more than $150,000 over the course of the past year to have sex with their daughter in Vietnam. Authorities say Rostoker was arrested while arranging for fake papers in order to bring the girl to San Jose to live with him.
When Max Gordon and Mollie Levy of Delray Beach, Florida, applied for a marriage license recently, the law clerk handed them a book on parenting. Not a huge surprise, since Florida law requires the state to hand out the book, designed to protect children from the effects of divorce. But still, it was a little odd. See, the 90-year-old Max and his 82-year-old intended aren’t looking at having kids anytime soon, though they do have six between them (as well as 14 grandkids and 17 great-grandchildren). “We don’t need to read the book,” Mollie told the clerk. “We can write it.” Maybe so, if it weren’t for those pesky cataracts.
Perhaps the clerk is simply a few years ahead of his time. According to a report out of New York, scientists have developed a method for reversing female menopause that could open up parenting possibilities for women not much younger than Mollie. The procedure, which involves the grafting of healthy ovarian tissue into a patient, was used successfully earlier this year to reinstate a 30-year-old Arizona woman’s fertility after she had entered a “surgically induced menopause” when both her ovaries were removed. The woman has already produced a viable egg and doctors say the procedure could help a woman beat her biological clock by extending fertility into her late sixties. Rancorous national debate to follow.
Because boys will be boys and hooligans hooligans the English premier league soccer club Coventry City has announced a new line of souvenirs to be made available at their Highfield Road stadium: team condoms. The club has launched an official prophylactic, to be sold at stadium vending machines and in a pair of city supermarkets. According to Paul Coles, controller of the team’s retail operations, the condoms are manufactured by a regular brand, but sold in a special Coventry City packaging. “This is not a joke product,” Coles said. “We are a responsible club.” Maybe, but it kind of puts a new perspective on those giant foam fingers, doesn’t it?
Quotes of the Week
“If I felt any better, I’d be flying. I don’t need Viagra. I need the opposite, man. I’m hornier than a toad.”