October 5, 2001
It’s the End of the World as We Know It . . .
This much we’ve learned: intense circumstances bring out intense passions. Sometimes it’s white-hot anger, sometimes it’s a passionate love of a country and its heroes. And sometimes, as in hack romance novels, trite adventure films and, well, this column, that passion translates into sex. “Terror sex,” actually.
Not as kinky as it sounds, terror sex is how the Los Angeles Times, among others, refers to the apparent increase in people’s sex drive during troubling times times like September 11. It seems that people feel an instinctual need to reach out to one another in their most frightened moments. According to the newspaper, experts are predicting an American baby boom to kick in about nine months from now. And it’s no mystery, really just ask one unnamed New York record executive quoted in the report. “Everyone has been through a shared experience and people’s defenses are down. People are vulnerable,” the executive said, before adding, “That can be really attractive. It’s biology at work gotta procreate if the world is coming to an end.”
Then again, it may be more than the simple allure of a vulnerable partner. “The act of sex is a very elemental, primal feeling of being alive and connected to somebody,” said University of Washington sociologist Pepper Schwartz (and yes, it appears we’re getting expert input from a Jewish stripper). “Sex is part of a life force. When asked ‘How do you want to die?’ a lot of people say, ‘Making love or having an orgasm.’ What they are saying is, ‘I want to be most alive the moment before I am dead.'” Actually, we think what they’re saying is, “I’m horny,” but we quibble.
When the going gets tough, the tough blame the teenage girls.
According to the report, Swazi maidens must wear colored “do not touch” tassels and long pants as part of Mswati’s reintroduction of the traditional Umchwasho chastity rite (and no, we don’t know where the tassels go). But as one Swazi teen points out, it’s easy for a guy like King Mswati, reportedly the last absolute monarch in Africa, to make rules like that rules he doesn’t have to follow. After all, the king has seven wives and a fiancée, so he’s not missing any action over the next five years. And according to the report, even his teenage daughter’s off growing up in Britain, untouched by Swazi law. “I think this will promote the commercial sex industry,” says seventeen-year-old Lungile Dlamini. “I think the ladies of the night will be getting a lot of customers in the light of the sex ban.” Particularly a lot of young customers.
“Security is so tight, some of Hef’s dates got frisked three or four times.”
National Review commentator David Klinghoffer, on the rash of female schoolteachers sleeping with their twelve-year-old male students, as quoted on The Position.com. (Sounds like Dave might have some hot stories for us.)
Did we miss any sex in the news? Send the story to email@example.com.