October 19, 2001
Spores of Love Are in the Air
These are trying times, and you really can’t be too careful with odd and unexpected mail. So when an unusual package arrived at the rural home of one Nevada man this week, it’s totally understandable that he made a beeline for the sheriff’s station. It’s also understandable that he may have been a little bit, uh, sheepish when he got there.
See, it turns out the package received by the fifty-nine year old who asked the Associated Press not to name him didn’t contain anthrax, as he’d initially suspected. Instead, it contained a pair of black thong panties and a two-page, handwritten sex note from a secret admirer. “It just about blew my socks off,” the man said, before adding, “I don’t know of anybody who would do this and I have no explanation for it. I feel kind of silly.” Compounding his feeling of silliness is the reason the man rushed those panties to the sheriff’s station in the first place: he was worried about anthrax exposure because he’d sniffed the anonymous package. Sheriffs stored the panties in a biohazard barrel until the woman responsible for the package arrived to take back her defamed delicates.
You work for the South African government, you represent South Africa. And when you represent South Africa especially if you do so by collecting census data in the field you need to behave in a manner befitting a representative of South Africa. You need to be honest, polite and patient. And above all, you mustn’t engage in any immoral or untoward practices.
Unless, you know, you run across a hottie.
That, apparently is the message being sent down by South African leaders. According to Ananova.com, some in that country’s government have suggested that staffers don’t always stop at “accumulating statistics” when taking door-to-door census surveys. Now, the government has begun supplying census workers with condoms just in case one of their house calls turns into a booty call. Not that it’s a bad idea after all, South Africa’s HIV rate is among the highest in the world, with an estimated one in nine people infected with the virus.
Why They Invented the Word “Confused”
They say it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, so at least Sorina Ratiu has that going for him. Uh, her.
Unfortunately, Ratiu doesn’t have a whole lot else working in her favor right now. According to Ananova.com, the twenty-five-year-old Romanian, who in 1996 became the first person in that country to undergo a sex change operation, has reconsidered the move. Apparently, Ratiu never fully lost her body hair and “can’t have any sexual relationship because my sexual organs don’t work properly.” Now, she says, her boyfriend has dumped her “because he realized that, in reality, I am a man.” Doctors have told Ratiu that the operation is irreversible, but she is reportedly searching for a surgeon who will take on the project. She may be better off searching for a good body wax.
“If Geyer’s team were in as good condition as the whores on St. Pauli, they’d be in first place in the Bundesliga.”
Hamburg community activist Kalle Schwensen, after Hamburg football coach Eduard Geyer likened his players’ eighth-place performance to that of “the whores of St. Pauli,” as quoted in the German newspaper Bild.
“Hey, take me out for a test-drive. See how I handle on a tight curve.”
Actor and apparent dork Tony Danza, on the line he used to pick up his wife, in Entertainment Weekly.
Did we miss any sex in the news? Send the story to firstname.lastname@example.org.