This Week in Sex

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This Week in Sex   
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October 20, 2000

The Bare Tit Project

Looking to save some trees? How’s this for an idea: Drop a few young
ladies in peasant blouses into the middle of a logging forest and have ’em
burn a little sage, recite some New Agey prayers . . . maybe even chant a few
poems. What’s that? Not working? All right then, time for Plan B:
Lose the peasant blouses.


Believe it or not, Plan B actually worked this week in the Northern
California logging town of Westport, at least for one day. Led by one Dona
“La Tigresa” Nieto (Dona’s a performance artist — surprise, surprise), four women spent a full day last weekend
chanting and praying and shivering against the coastal October air,
eventually causing distressed loggers to pack it in for the evening. But
alas, the loggers were out in force again the next day (insert wood joke
here), and so the women continue reciting what Nieto calls their
“Goddess-based, nude, Buddhist, guerrilla poetry.”


Nieto stumbled on the idea to go topless after her earlier protests (chanting and praying
and shouting “rape!” every time she heard a falling tree) proved
ineffective. As she put it in an Associated Press report, “We stopped them
in their tracks a couple of times. Poetry is powerful and it turns out that
breasts are pretty powerful, too.”

Sex and the Single Pigeon

Next time you find yourself strolling through the Belgian seaside town of
Ostend, don’t be surprised if you happen to notice something
different about the city’s pigeon population. You probably won’t
be able to put your finger on it, at least not right away. They won’t be
dressed any more stylishly. It’s unlikely they’ll be smoking Nat
Shermans or drinking cappuccinos or anything like that. But chances are
they’ll seem just a little more sophisticated, and it’s
no accident. The pigeons of Ostend are about to go on The Pill.


That’s right, coastal Belgium’s scavenger birds have decided to embrace
birth control — well okay, not decided, exactly. According to a
Reuters report, town leaders have determined that in order to keep the
pigeon population down, they’re going to start giving them oral
contraceptives. And the little guys don’t even have to carry around those
little plastic birth-control compacts, either — that’s the beauty of
the plan, really. Instead, the town council plans to build a giant cage in
Ostend’s main park, where the pigeons will be fed grain spiked with the
contraceptive. Look for female pigeons to start working outside the nest
any day now.

Broadway, Here They Come

In this life, not everyone gets to be Sammy Davis, Jr. Not everyone can
sing, dance, act or play music. But that don’t mean you can’t put on
a show. Just ask Simon Morley and David Friend.


Morley and Friend are a couple of Australian
performers who’ve found a way to fill London’s Whitehall Theater —
having already wowed audiences at the Edinburgh Arts Festival —
without the benefit of any discernable talent. Or rather, they have
one talent — something they’ve clearly been cultivating since
they were teens. According to Reuters, the thirtysomething Melbourne
natives are masters at what they call the art of genital origami — or
as their show’s title puts it, Puppetry of the Penis. Morley and
Friend play their instruments — literally — folding and squeezing and twisting their
members into familiar shapes (the Loch Ness Monster, the Eiffel Tower),
then projecting the results onto a big screen for the benefit of a paying
audience. The show, which has reportedly been extended into next year, has
received rave reviews from both critics and audiences, including one
sixty-year-old woman who, after a recent show, told the performers, “I
have been waiting forty years to laugh at a penis like that.” Just the kind
of praise that makes it all worthwhile.

Quotes of the Week

“Now I can finally prove to my golfing friends that I only really get going
after the first hole.”

— Fifty-six-year-old German computer salesman Axel Boeckem, who
was expelled from his exclusive country club after appearing in a porn
video while wearing his club tie. Boeckem was reinstated this week after
winning a court decision.

“The next thing you know, he’s sucking on her toes. He has the pigs in the

— Maryland Heights, Missouri, police Detective Joe Eagan, on a
man who allegedly tricked a local woman into removing her shoes before
shoving her foot in his mouth.

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©2000 Dan Reines and, Inc.