December 3, 1999
The Boys in Blue Get Bluer
According to a report in the Arizona Republic this week, undercover vice cops in Mesa have been granted permission to go those extra six inches including disrobing and allowing themselves to be touched in their attempts to nail massage parlor prostitutes. At least twice in the past six months, officers reported allowing suspects to get up close and personal with the, ah, long arm of the law in an effort to convince the women that they weren’t cops.
Lt. Ron Kirby, who runs the department’s special investigations unit, defended the policy, saying, “This is not something these guys enjoy doing.” Kirby added, “We are not going to do an illegal act to get these people. But we are going to throw things out there to get them to bite.”
Traditionally, it was thought that abstinence from sex caused a build-up of testosterone, improving performance in sports. But according to a recent study carried out in Italy and reported in New Scientist magazine, sex causes men’s testosterone levels to rise, improving athletic performance. “If a man has sexual intercourse, testosterone causes him to desire the next sexual intercourse,” explained Emmanuele Jannini, who led the research project. “If he needs to be more aggressive, it’s better to have sex.”
Last May, the exotic dancers-slash-actresses at Orlando’s Club Juana put on a ten-part performance that included bits from Shakespeare, the Marquis de Sade, and Sam Spade detective novels. The show, which was expressly designed to challenge a local ban on nude dancing, took place in front of a motley mix of journalists, lawyers, cops and workaday drunks, and was performed completely in the buff. The production went off without incident, but the women were later charged with violating the aforementioned ordinance, which outlaws nudity at establishments where alcohol is sold. Now, with the financial help of Club Juana, the cast of Femmes Fatale is suing to have the law overturned.
The club’s attorneys argue that the law, which allows nude performances for “bona fide” artistic purposes, is selective and snobby and, well, totally unconstitutional. Circuit Judge O.H. Eaton Jr. heard arguments from both sides last week; his decision is expected some time this month.
“The law needs to be changed,” said star Maggie Morgan. “And if this is what it took to change it me naked stirring a cauldron then so be it.”
Ich Bin Ein Prostituteer
The world’s oldest profession is enjoying something of a renaissance worldwide, and nowhere more so than in the Old World. Germany is the latest country to join in the working girl makeover. Leftist Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder proposed a set of laws this week that would bring Germany’s prostitutes within the legal mainstream. He proposed removing the word “sittenwidrig” immoral from the legal definition of sexual transactions (sexual transactions are technically legal in Germany). Though it seems like a small change, the move would make prostitutes eligible for state health insurance and social security pensions. Other proposed laws would legalize brothels and loosen restrictions on advertising.
“White meat. The breast. Though, actually I’m more of an ass man, so I should probably like dark meat better.”