This Week in Sex

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This Week in Sex   
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December 8, 2000

On Blitzen!

One night a year, Santa gathers all his reindeer for The Big Job, and by all accounts, they do fine work for the old man. But that still leaves the rest of the calendar to kill for Donner and the
boys, which gives rise to an obvious, if rarely asked, question: What the hell do they do with all that spare time? Well apparently, the same thing any randy, horned beast would do — they head down to Florida for a little nookie.


That, at least, is one conclusion to be drawn from the news this week that
a man, Brian Long of Spring Hill, Florida, has been blasted by his
neighbors for depicting what might be described as a pre-nativity scene on
his front lawn. According to the St. Petersburg Times, Long’s
Christmas decorations include a pair of white wooden cutouts of two
reindeer mating — he calls them “dancing reindeer” — spurring a
storm of protest from locals worried about school kids witnessing the scene
on their bus route. Long, naturally, isn’t bothered by that notion —
his own son, a junior at nearby Springstead High, reportedly has hosted a
steady stream of visitors who giggle and stare at the frontyard Discovery
Channel (“Dude — your dad’s cool!”). Nonetheless, late word
indicates that Long will ultimately bow to public pressure, agreeing to
bring the reindeer into his garage on school days; he says he will, however,
put them back on the lawn for weekends. And for next year, Long’s
considering adding a few more reindeer to the display, though he says it
won’t necessarily be a gang-Blitzen: “They might be voyeurs,” Long said of
the extra cut-outs. “Just standing and watching.” Talk about reindeer

Sexual Harassment Train-ing

Japan has long enjoyed a worldwide reputation as a nation of polite people,
a culture so honor-bound that many Japanese would sooner commit suicide
than shame their families with a corruption scandal or even the loss of a
job. So it’s perhaps a touch surprising to find out that Japan’s somewhat
extreme sense of decency doesn’t extend to its rail lines.


According to a Reuters report, the blatant and unrepentant groping of
female passengers has led one Tokyo-area railway company to institute
“female-only” carriages during weekend night hours. Seems the company
received some 351 complaints about groping during the fiscal year that
ended in March — and they’re assuming that the number of complaints
represents just a fraction of the actual number of incidents (probably not
a bad guess). So throughout the holiday season, when drunken revelers are
on their way back from “forget-the-year” parties, the Keio Electric Railway
Co. will provide safe zones for its female passengers.

Deep Throat, Part II

Traditionally speaking, journalists don’t get into the business for the
money. Oh sure, a guy like Dan Rather pulls down more dough than a
three-legged man at an ass-kickin’ contest, but the rest of us generally
have to satisfy ourselves with the power, the prestige and the perks that
come with the job.


Okay, so it’s just the perks.


But the perks can be nice. And nowhere, it seems, are the perks quite so,
er, perky as in Hong Kong, where an online newspaper has created
something of a stir with a rather unorthodox undercover report on the local
sex trade. According to Reuters, the site HKCyber posted a sixteen-minute piece
in which a reporter makes his way through a seedy red-light district, picks
up a prostitute and brings her back to a room, where the two have sex for
several minutes. On camera. Apparently, the report sparked angry calls from
lawmakers upset that minors may have seen the video. Shiu Yeuk-yuen, chairman of HKCyber’s parent company, defended the piece, saying, “We have
more than fulfilled our moral responsibility by giving warning twice, once
when going into the site and a second time before the clip is played.” Oddly enough, no one seems to have questioned the journalistic value of a
reporter having sex with a hooker. On camera.

Quotes of the Week

“Men should be encouraged to look at each other’s bits. Penises, I’m
inclined to believe — and I’m not just talking about my own — are
good things.”

— U2’s Adam Clayton, perhaps suggesting that he’s finally found
what he’s looking for, in Rolling Stone.

“I know everyone’s looking forward to seeing who the president will be, but
not as much as Monica Lewinsky.”

— Comedian John Leguizamo, while co-hosting the New York Magazine
Awards. The joke reportedly fell flat — maybe because Monica herself
was in attendance.

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©2000 Dan Reines and, Inc.