December 10, 1999
Ecstasy Not Included
Londoners are already thoroughly puzzled by the Millennium Dome, the extravagant (and very expensive) temporary structure built by the British government to help ring in Y2K. The latest exhibit to be announced won’t do much clear up that puzzlement. But it’s a sure bet to draw a crowd.
The creators of the quasi-educational exhibition are planning a giant “womb room,” where the act of conception will be recreated. The room will feature a 45-second film, projected on a circular screen, in which computer-generated sperm perform a war dance as they race toward their target. The dance is accompanied by a pulsing drumbeat, pounding once per second at first, then speeding up as the heartbeat races. Finally, the actual act of fertilization will be marked by the twang of an arrow striking its target.
The drumbeat will be provided by Doudou N’Diaye Rose, composer of the Senegalese national anthem and a man uniquely qualified to participate in such a project: Rose has fathered 38 children.
Tolerance High, cont’d
The Orange Unified School District board voted unanimously last week not to allow the formation of a Gay-Straight Alliance Club on the El Modena High campus, saying that the club “has a name and a purpose that is unacceptable.” The GSA, which sparked controversy a month ago when it was proposed by gay student Anthony Colin, was intended as a way to combat harassment. At the time, Colin told the Associated Press, “There are places at school I can’t walk through. I have to have somebody with me so I won’t get spit on or hit.” Not surprisingly, little has changed; shortly before the Tuesday night meeting, a scuffle broke out when an unidentified man shoved the 15-year-old Colin. Said the boy, “That happens at a board meeting and they don’t think we need a club about tolerance? Get real.” Colin has filed a lawsuit against the district.
Some of us daydream about retiring to the country to spend our autumn years playing golf, playing bridge, playing with the grandkids. A certain unnamed Nairobi man had a very different retirement plan in mind. The sugar company employee collected $3,600 in pension when he took early retirement last week. Apparently of the belief that money is for spending, he took his booty and headed directly for the local pub, where according to a report in the Kenya Times, “He set to conquer a woman from a neighboring country. The retiree, together with his newfound lover . . . proceeded to drown other revelers in free beers for hours on end.” Eventually, the tavern ran dry (as will happen), and the man turned his ambitions up a notch, reportedly proclaiming aloud, “I shall now go for the real thing since the hours seem to be running away.” So, for that matter, did the man’s new paramour. After an evening at a nearby hotel, the woman was seen boarding an early morning bus out of town with what remained of the retiree’s bounty.
A singularly unshocking report released this week by the Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University explains that teenagers who drink or take drugs are more likely to have sex at a younger age. And try this one on for size: according to another new report commissioned by Durex, a British condom-maker (and reputed teen-sex think tank), nearly half the world’s young people hope to end their millennial bashes with a little bit of Y2play. According to the survey of 5,000 16- to 21-year-olds in 14 countries, Canadian youths have the highest hopes for New Year’s Eve, with 63 percent saying they expect to close out the 20th century with a bang. On the other end of the spectrum, only 15 percent of Taiwanese kids expected to get lucky.
“She said, ‘I saw your show.’ I was so freaked out like she saw my penis!”