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December 15, 2000

Castration Nation

You have no doubt heard of Tom of Finland, the gay erotic comic icon from Scandinavia. You have not, however, heard of Tom of Norway, and there’s a reason for that.


According to a Norwegian historian with access to that country’s health archives, Norway castrated some 414 people between 1934 and 1969, apparently as part of a crackdown on homosexuals. Per Haave told NRK public radio this week that “castration was to prevent sexual crimes, but it quickly took on a much broader scope,” including the forced castration of mental patients, epileptics and “many homosexuals” among the 370 men who had their testicles cut off. (The forty-four women who were castrated had their ovaries removed.) Nearly a hundred people were castrated by the Norwegian government between 1948 and 1950 alone, many of them under the age of twenty. Haave says health authorities justified the operation on one fifteen-year-old girl because she was said to be “strongly erotically inclined.”

It Ain’t a Party ‘Till . . .

Boy, sometimes you just know things aren’t going to work out. There are those dream marriages, where nothing ever dents the armor and husband and wife seem destined for happily-ever-after-hood. And then . . . well, then there’s Neil and Shelley Hutchinson of County Durham, England.


We’re sure Neil and Shelley were plenty happy at the wedding, what with all the cake and dancing and whatnot. But dear God, that was weeks ago, and let’s face it, the honeymoon never lasts forever. So perhaps it’s not altogether shocking that a few cracks had begun to show by the time friends of the Hutchinsons, Denise and Nathan Carr, threw them a party last week to celebrate their newlywed status. What is altogether shocking is what happened when those cracks did appear. According to the London Telegraph, Denise Carr and Shelley Hutchinson went out for drinks while the menfolk stayed home and polished off almost an entire bottle of tequila. When the women returned, a quarrel broke out involving all four, and the quarrel quickly became physical. Now, the report isn’t clear as to what they were fighting about, but this much is very clear: in the tussle that followed, Denise Carr intervened on behalf of her friend Shelley, and Neil Hutchinson ended up sitting on Carr to subdue her, apparently straddling her about the neck. At which point — and men, you really ought to skip to the next item — at which point she bit him, thereby removing one of Mr. Hutchinson’s testicles. Completely. With her teeth.


Police arrived a short time later and found Mr. Hutchinson’s wounded little soldier under a picture frame on the living room floor. Mrs. Carr has been convicted of “affray” and will be sentenced in January. Mr. Hutchinson, meanwhile, spent four days in the hospital — they weren’t able to re-attach the testicle — after which he was informed that his new wife had begun divorce proceedings. All of which should make for a very awkward Christmas letter.

Law of Unintended Consequences

Two years ago, a federal court in Ohio ruled that authorities in the Buckeye State can’t prohibit nude dancing in bars just because the bars serve liquor (something about the Constitution and freedom of expression, blah blah blah — we don’t know, we weren’t there). Anyway, ever since then, frustrated local officials have been scrambling to put a stop to all the nakedness and unbridled jiggling that followed the ruling. It appears they’ve finally managed to send a message to Ohio’s now-flourishing nudie bars, a statement to all those who would condone or participate in something so immoral as a lapdance. Unfortunately for the cops, it appears the message they’ve sent is, “Hey everybody! Free lapdances!”


Not that they meant to send that message, mind you. What they meant to say was “Hey everybody! Lapdancers are common whores, and will be prosecuted accordingly!” Specifically, the Akron police have announced that they will crack down on local nudie establishments by enforcing Ohio’s existing prostitution law, which prohibits accepting payment for “touching another person for the purpose of sexual gratification.” Which, let’s face it, pretty much sums up a lapdance. According to the Akron Beacon Journal, the punishment for such an offense is up to sixty days in jail and a five-hundred-dollar fine, and Akron’s vice squad plans a series of undercover sting operations to nab the guilty parties. Which means that lapdancing as they know it in Akron may be a thing of the past. Unless, of course, the dances are performed for free . . .

Quotes of the Week

“Actually, I prefer the term jovial.”

— Search engine mascot Jeeves, when asked if he’s gay. No, really. Try it.

“The last time I was here I stayed for a year and it was a lot more fun.”

Alastair Campbell, press secretary to British Prime Minister Tony Blair, speaking in the south of France on recent revelations that he once spent time in Nice writing for a soft porn publication.

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©2000 Dan Reines and, Inc.