This Week in Sex

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Weekend Review
Debbie Does Damascus

Every year in the West, normal law-abiding citizens spend bazillions of dollars on hardcore smut. Yet porn and the Middle East still go together like gefilte fish and chocolate sauce. This week an Iranian court sentenced forty-seven people to lashes and closed down their video clubs for selling “indecent and obscene films.” The convictions followed a massive sweep of 102 video clubs in the southwestern city of Ahvaz by 1,000 policemen and Revolutionary Guards. According to an Iranian police spokesman, some 100 young protestors of the raids were arrested after clashing with the authorities. It’s not clear how many lashes the convicted porn dealers will get, but we hope it will be fewer than the number of strokes the perpetrators were planning to subject themselves to.

The Village People

Sticking with both verboten porn and Islamic fundamentalism, this week Israeli cops prevented an Arab porn star from being lynched by an overzealous mob. The actor’s real wife, who co-starred in the film, was also badly beaten. The husband and wife, whose names were not disclosed, are the stars of an Israeli-Arab pornographic film entitled Youssuf and Fatma. So, what made the mob go cuckoo bananas? The cover of the videocassette shows the two in the middle of an “act” against the background of a mosque. The attack occurred when the couple was spotted at a commercial center the Israeli-Arab village of Tira. “A crowd began to gather around them as soon as they were recognized,” an Israeli police officer said. The crowd wasted no time in organizing a good old-fashioned stoning, replete with jeers and cries of “shame.” A spokesman for the village said the mob believed the man was a collaborator, a term used to describe Palestinians who “cooperate” with Israel. Alas, why is it that we must always try to hang the well hung?

Swinging and Swiping

Some people would steal the shirt off your back. This week, a couple of armed German robbers held sixty naked members of a German swingers club at gunpoint while they successfully emptied the club’s safe and private lockers of valuables. Imagine the looks on the swingers’ faces as they banged away with reckless abandon before being stormed by two men with stockings on their heads — talk about coitus interuptus! The robbers, aged between thirty and thirty-five, burst into the club and held a gun to the manager’s head. They then forced the naked members of the club at Maintal-Bischofsheim in Hessen to hand over the goods. Chuckling polizei said it was hard to determine damages, as most of the revelers refused to give their identities away. How sickening to live in a world where it is no longer safe to fuck groups of total strangers.

Tis the season to get Jiggy

According a report released this week, many teens in relationships are choosing the holiday season to lose their virginity. While June is the most common month for teens to have sex for the first time — be it in a casual summer fling or steady relationship — sociologists from Mississippi State University say many teens who are dating seriously choose December as the time to give it up. “For some people, there’s something romantic about snow on the ground and cuddling up by the fire,” says Mark Schuster, a pediatrician who studies teens and sexual behavior. Our money is on the fact that shagging the nerdy guy in the corrective footwear is preferable to snuggling up to your plastered relatives and pretending to be happy in that itchy sweater they got you.

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