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Vanity Fair mocks the New Yorker cover's failed satire with actual satire, kinda.

Hey, wanna be buried in an iPhone? Only if a nude Lauren Amborse jumps in there with us. 

Maybe there's something to keeping your kids locked inside, home-schooled for life, and unavailable to interact with other children: Amy Winehouse is planning to have five children, count 'em, five children. Of course, it'll be hard to procreate that often when conjugal visits are every six months...

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Currently making headlines around the world is Ichiro the Chimp, who decided he was sick of the stifling heat of his cage at a Japanese zoo. As you can imagine, chaos ensued...

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Star Magazine, which boasts such staggering journalistic credentials as firing Julia Allison and stalking celebrities for "research," has a detailed and damning report on the Sarah Jessica Parker-Matthew Broderick marriage meltdown that we never saw coming...

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...what would they say? Sort of like "if you could build a talking science project, what would it tell you?" except via the minds of degenerate online humorists.

Check out more classic photos, after the jump... 

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If your Dad is a fervent anti-homosexual zealot, best not to brag to his face about having come from the Pride parade. 

What, you thought they'd let gay couples on the revamped "Newlywed Game"? 

A woman who worked in the Georgia General Assembly claims to have been fired after telling her boss she was "going to live as a woman."

Guess which reality show host is joining the cast of "The L Word" for Season Six?

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This video shows a talk show host losing it over the squeaky-voice of man who was the victim of a botched tonsil operation. (We've also heard that it was an accidental castration. But we don't speak Dutch, so we don't know what the hell they're saying.)

So what do you say folks? Real or total fabrication. Let us know in the comments.  

We don't watch sports (unless they involve Justin Timberlake) but apparently there was a big brawl in the middle of the WNBA LA Sparks vs. Detroit Shock game last night...

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Because, you know, there's nothing really pressing going on in the world today, Reuters has taken the time to tell us all about a new Japanese trend...

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Made by hand... sugar and syrup... a little artificial flavor is added...

Assembled into a large blob... dabbed with a bit of color... layered with very thin slices and sealed up...

This could be a very apt description for the candidates running for President in the United States of America, circa 2008. Fortunately for you and your taste buds, this is merely a description of the process by which voting and candidate lollipops are made by Kai's Candies...

Drool over them, after the jump... including the goofy-looking Obama one...

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Ladies, we have to give it to you-- there's no way we'd be able to walk around in those things for more than thirty seconds without massacring an entire post office full of people in a blind rage. They probably look as uncomfortable to us as they are to wear.

That being said... what in God's name is going on with this new trend of street races in heels? We were hoping the one sponsored by Glamour in March was some sort of sick marketing scam/joke, but whatever it is, alas, it's catching on...

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Anne Hathaway's karaoke song is rather fitting, don't you think? 

The incident with his mom and sister was apparently not the only one during Christian Bale's wild Friday. 

A list of the top Hollywood bachelors that in any way involves Ryan Seacrest is invalidated automatically...

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The man who the Supreme Court once hailed as "The President of the United States" has fallen on hard times. He's taken to performing unannounced lounge acts in faraway places, considering them the only place he can find friendly audiences to try out new comedic material on.

No, Michael Richards is not making a comeback... our subject is George W. Bush, of New Haven, CT, who is such a legendary live performer (and diva) that he was able to convince organizers of a fundraiser he appeared at (purely out of selfless generosity) to bar any media coverage or reporting on his new jokes.

Ah, but ABC got the video anyway...

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A Louisiana police officer may be charged with murder after he tasered a suspect nine times in fourteen minutes. His crime, besides a drug charge gone to warrant? Being unable to get up as a result of the tasering. (Guess the races of our two subjects.)

Michael Caine thinks there may not be a third Christopher Nolan-Batman movie since The Dark Knight will be hard to top.

Is there any male figure young men and women can trust anymore? A New Jersey basketball couch and "youth supervisor" supervised a little too closely: he's been charged with soliciting nude photos from four teenage boys...

What are the Top 10 Shows teens are excited to see? (Don't hold your breath they've even heard of Mad Men.)

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Barack Obama warned his staff not to wear green clothing if accompanying him on his current trip to the Middle East. And it's not because he's mad Al Gore won't be his Vice President...

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