She Said: Guys Advice to Girls

If I knew in high school what I know now, I probably wouldn't have worn as much eyeliner. I also would have spent a little less time worrying about whether or not douchey boys liked me and a lot more time reading the classics.

But that's what being 16 is all about, really: filling the majority of your brain space with thoughts about the opposite (or the same) sex. Us old folks are just here to try and ease the blow of heartbreaks or offer advice on how to make that first kiss actually happen.

Unfortunately, in the Houston Chronicle's "A guy's guide for girls," the author left out some pretty important stuff (just be yourself), and instead opted to to pretty much take one idea (chill the fuck out) and stretch it out over five bullet points.

The article does give some sound advice like, "don't cyber stalk him." And it's true; 'tis much better to real-life stalk than cyber stalk. When you're 16 and finally have your driver's license and can at last drive past the home of the boy you think you love whenever you please, do it. Why not? It's harmless and fun and even when you're an old bag like me, you'll look back on those moments of excitement with nothing but fondness (and memories of the faint smell of McDonald's and strawberry air freshener in the air).

But if I could give teenage girls advice on dating, here's what I'd say:

1. Just be your wonderful self. Any boy who likes a fake version of you better than the real you isn't worth your time or energy. Plus, chances are slim he'll even like your false front; it's painfully obvious when someone is trying to be something she's not.

2. If you like a boy, it's okay to let him know it. And if he doesn't like you back, that's okay, too. But if that's the case, cry a little if you have to and then try to move onto the next one (or to something better, like a good book), because wasting your time and energy on a boy who doesn't really want you it is no fun for anyone.

3. And last, but not least: don't give a cute older guy a blow job in the cab of his truck after the party because you think it will make him like you. It won't. Plus, he probably has some sort of STD.

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